If only you knew

Blah blah blah blah. Right when I got home from pumping iron I ate three marshmallow Peeps. And some little chocolate eggs, because I still had some left from yesterday. Then I ate dinner. Pretty sure the whole thing was counterproductive, but whatever. Oh yeah, and then I went grocery shopping.

I realized today that my chosen profession is really conflicting with my personality. I like to view myself as a calm, patient, caring individual. However, I feel like I am just a bitch when I'm teaching. I wasn't always, but I kind of have to be now, because not all my students are behaving in a way that I can act patient and caring. Some of them really just need spankings, or boot camp, or a swift kick in the pants. When they're not respecting me, I get a whole lot meaner. My little cousin, Morgan, who is in the 5th grade asked me to use my teacher voice and give my mean glare. Of course when I saw her I couldn't. It's not something I can fake. But like I said, I think I sound and act like a super bitch sometimes. It's not very calming on the nerves. I'm on high alert the whole day. BTW, is it bad that you are actually kind of glad that one of your students has head lice and won't be at school for the rest of the week? Because then you know you'll have less trouble? What have I become.

On Easter my relatives asked me if I would be working/teaching at all during the summer. I'm like "No, I'll be spending the whole summer in therapy." For real. They give free therapy to teachers. Did you know that?

Sometimes I think about how utterly fascinating a book made out of my private journal would be. Because I don't mean to brag, but I say some really funny stuff in it. Only I can't write it here because it's either inappropriate or too personal or hurtful to others. Maybe in like, ten years I could re-write it into a novel. And the main character could be Noelle and she is a teacher who thinks she's just rockin' and on top of the world. But by the end of the book you find out she almost failed college and she barely has a job and has to go to therapy in the summer time because she was emotionally traumatized by various incidents involving her students. Plus she has a secret love affair only of course it will never work out (because he's either 14 years older, or married, or from a foreign country, or all three). And then she moves on and falls in love with the guy who works at the front desk of her gym (because he's only 11 years older, or single, or has a work VISA, or all three). So she hires a private detective to follow him and tell her where the guy goes in his free time. So then Noelle goes to the same Blockbuster or bar or whatever and runs into him and says super casually, "Oh, I didn't see you there." Even though she totally planned it.