4 day catch-up

The following is composed from notes I took during the weekend:

Friday, March 20th
I found a semi-empty notebook from Honors Biology in college, which I am using. It makes me feel smart to look through it, because it's evidence that at one time in my life I knew something about science. It has all these notes on DNA and RNA and fossil fuels and oil, and a proposal for the hydrogen fuel cell project that Katie and I did, and also notes on cloning because we fully did a project on that, too.

I am sitting in the back seat of my dad's truck, which is more spacious than I expected. I've never been in this truck before, and I'll be honest and say I kind of want to get out, because even though it's spacious, I smell something really foul and I thing I might hurl again like I did this morning.

I woke up not at all hungry, but at 10 o'clock I managed to eat a bagel. At 11is I had a conference with a parent who reeked of smoke. I tried not to barf while discussing their child's progress (or lack thereof). After the parent left, I was okay for about twenty minutes. Then I thought about how much he stank, and the memory of it made me ill. I quickly walked to the staff bathroom and promptly heaved into the toilet.

BTW, cuss word #1 and we haven't even left the driveway yet. Two plus more hours of this. God help me. Wow, this new truck has a really annoying alarm that goes off if the driver isn't buckled. Excellent, considering my dad NEVER buckles up. Now he's forced to in order to shut the alarm up.

I skipped lunch and suffered from a headache, but I didn't want to take any Tylenol on an empty stomach. I ate dinner like ten minutes ago, and now I feel like I'm gonna puke again, due to traveling in this stinky truck.

Before I went to the 'rents I stopped by Safeway to get a b-day card for my great-grandpa who is turning 90. That's why I'm in this truck--to go visit him in Redmond for his big birthday blowout. I went to the same Safeway as the one mentioned in missing connections on Craigslist. They didn't have any cards for 90 year olds, and I spent forever looking for an appropriate card. In the end, I purchased two cards to add up to 90. I got one that says "You're 80!" and another one that says "10 great things about being 10." Originally I was going to get a 40 card and a 50 card, but they were a bit depressing, so I balanced the 80 card out with the happy 10 year old card. I had other choices. I could have done a 60 card and a 30 yr old card, but they didn't have any good ones. What I really wanted was a 70 year old card and a 30 year old, because 20 is a much more exciting age. Only they don't make 20 yr cards, just 21. And they absolutely do not make 69 yr old cards. Anyway, I thought I was kind of clever about it.

While at Safeway, this super hot employee walked past me, smiled, and said hey. Later, instead of going through his check out line (because that's where he went after smiling at me) like I should have done so I could flirt, I went through a different register that took like 20 minutes because the guy in front of me had 14 bottle return slips to cash.

This is why I am incredibly single. A guy smiles at me and then I'm too shy to go through his check out line. God, how pathetic. What I should do is, on Sunday when I get back to Woodburn I need to go back to Safeway (even though I don't need anything) and seek the guy out. Only probably he won't be working then.

I just rolled the window down because I feel like gagging again. Now we're talking about Air Guitar Lady, who rocks out on the corner of Lancaster and Silverton Rd with a big yellow "shoe sale" sign around her neck.

I'm thinking about Safeway boy again. He was probably still in high school. I'll get fired for romantic relations with a minor if I go back flirt with him in the check out line.

Natalie just called. We talked for ten minutes.

I took a writing break, due to the whole hurling thing. We are in Sisters now, in the parking lot of Ray's Food Place. We bought some snacks because my parents are hungry. I wanted ginger ale, but the only kind they had was Jamaican ginger ale. I didn't want to get it because it is from Jamaica and probably tastes like actual ginger, which I don't like, but my mom said I should at least try it.

I did. God, it's awful. Now I really am going to blow chunks.

(an hour later) We're at gram's. There are so many people crammed here (my aunt, uncle, their two kids, my other aunt, uncle, gram, Leon, me, my mom, dad, and soon Jess and Travis), that I have to sleep in the living room on the floor. Actually, I take that back. The living room is taken, and I am sleeping in the dining room next to the table. I was like "um, awkward." Because I know in the morning people will be in here at 6am or sooner. I was like, "Why don't you just let me sleep on top of the table and you can eat around my feet in the morning?"

My little cousin, Colton (he's 12), is on a laptop playing some BMX game on-line. I partly want to steal it from him so I can check Facebook. But I won't, because I'm not that addicted. All the women-folk are in the kitchen scrambling to get food made for tomorrow's party. My grandma offers me some Irish cream or something (it's alcoholic), but I still feel sick and decline.

Saturday, March 21th
I hardly slept at all. People finally were out of the kitchen/dining room at 11:30, but then they were in it again at 5:30am. I pulled my sleeping bag over my head, but after a while it got hard to breathe. What I needed was a straw to poke out for sucking in fresh air. Also, I had this dream that I woke up and it was 4pm. Everyone went to the party without me and didn't bother to wake me up. They were like "oh, you can see grandpa next year." Like turning 90 was no big deal. So after I woke up and realized it was a dream, and that it was only 3:27am, I tried to go back to sleep, but it was rough.

Exactly everybody has to take a shower (12), and I have a feeling that when it gets to be my turn, there will just be ice water left. Aunt Brenda and Aunt Bink have to leave early, because Aunt Brenda needs to go to Fred Meyer to buy a dress, because no one told her it was a dress up occasion. Later, Travis needs to go buy a dress up shirt, because even though I fully talked to him on the phone a few days ago and said "wear church clothes", all he brought were t-shirts and jeans. Ditto Jess, but I am loaning her my khaki pants to wear because I also packed a dress.

I was right, the water is cold. My mom told me just to wash my hair in the sink, because at least that's warm. I'm like "hello? My hair? I don't think so." I'd rather take a two minute cold water shower than attempt to wash my locks in the laundry room sink. What a pain that would be. Plus, I have to shave my legs because I'm wearing a dress.

(three hours later) I ended up taking the two minute shower. Actually, it was a five minute warm shower, then I plugged the tub to do my legs. I was the second to last person to take a shower, because I am super nice and let people take advantage of me by letting them go first. Even my sister and brother-in-law, who likes to pretend like he doesn't like me. But I'm his favorite. He just doesn't want to admit it.

After the party today, everybody staying at gram's house is going to dinner at 5:30. My parents (well, dad) want to head home tonight, but I can't bear the thought of having to travel another four hours the very next day after such torture. Jess and Travis are going home today too. I asked my Aunt Bink if I could hitch a ride home with her so I could stay an extra day with everybody else. She said that's fine. So now I don't have to endure the ride back with my parents. Ha! Out smarted them.

Oh, hang on, it looks like we need to leave.

Since we're hosting the party, we are here very early and there is nothing to do. My cousin Morgan (10 years old) and I are trying to think of some games to play, but we don't have any cards. Since I didn't drive, I can't just go down to the store to buy some.

We convinced my Aunt Brenda to take us. We bought cards and Catchphrase. It took us about an hour to get Catchphrase to work, because although we bought batteries for it, we didn't have a screwdriver to open the back up. We tried car keys and my uncle tried a steak knife, then Morgan and I went around and asked everybody if they happened to have a Philips screwdriver on them. One person did. Now this party is a lot livelier.

There's grandpa! Wow! He's 90! And he doesn't even need a wheel chair, or a walker or anything. And he remembers who I am. In fact, he remembers everybody.

Jeesh, I'm hungry. That fruit platter looks good. And look at all those cheeses. And rolls. I love rolls. Okay, I am totally going to get a plate.

We are playing Catchphrase and it is INSANE. It keeps going off whenever my cousin, Sam, gets it. Sucker.

Gram just gave me her camera and told me to go around and take lots of pictures, which means, go snap photos of people I don't even know. I am not that outgoing. What I have to do is turn off the flash and sneak up on them so they don't know I am getting them on camera.

Wow. So I just noticed the table decorations. When my great-grandpa was still working, he was a logger. In fact, if he hadn't stayed home from work the day Mt. St. Helens blew, he'd be dead. Anyway, someone was really clever and gathered up a bunch of green shrubbery and arranged it in an old fashioned metal helmet and an old black lunch pail. And there are mini saws and wood rings all around. Very clever, my gram.

(five hours later...or so) We cleaned up the banquet hall, and now we are all back at grandma's waiting until our 5:30 dinner reservations. Like anyone feels like eating. Practically everyone is sprawled out on the floor, table, bed, etc, taking a nap.

(three or four hours later) I have a food baby. Surprisingly, I was hungry by the time we got to the restaurant (Mexican grill). Morgan (my 10 yr old cousin) and I both ordered the children's plate. My cousin Sam, who is 14 and trying to be manly, ordered the macho burrito. I ate all of my kids meal, and I really shouldn't have. Now I am going to have a food baby. Morgan looked at me a bit strangely when I tried to explain food babies to her, but she finally went along with it and helped me name my baby. Stuart. Stuart is giving me major pain. I feel like exploding. I just showed my rounded food baby to Aunt Bren, but she says it looks like nothing. Blahhhhh..

Again, we are all laying on the floor, couch, in chairs, etc. watching TV. It's only 8pm but we are all totally wiped. Leon is flipping through channels. OMG it's Paint Your Wagon. "Who's in this?" Uncle Chris asks. "Clint Eastwood," I reply. He's surprised I know this, considering the movie was made in the 70s. In case you didn't know, Paint Your Wagon is an old fashioned western musical. These people go gold panning and end up making this town. Then the gold runs out so they dig tunnels under all the saloons trying to get the gold dust that falls through the cracks. Oh, and there's this woman who has two husbands (the old fart and Clint Eastwood, when he was still young). In the end, the whole town falls into the tunnels. It's hilarious. It's also like, three and a half hours long.

Stuart is shrinking. Good baby.

I am ready for bed, only I have to sleep out in the living room and the TV is still on because Paint Your Wagon is never ending. There's like, a half hour left. I guess I will crawl into my sleeping bag.

Sunday, March 22nd

It snowed last night.

We are eating all the leftover fruit from the fruit platters for breakfast.

Talking with my uncle about police stuff.

Waiting for the first ten people to get out of the bathroom.

Grandma keeps trying to give me leftover food to take home. This happens every time I visit. It's mostly okay, except for the fact that I am hitching a ride with my aunt and uncle, and I don't know how much extra space they have. Eeew, gross, I do not want that potato salad. Sick. I am taking: four pounds of cheese, a bag of rolls, broccoli, and fruit. BTW, there were two cakes yesterday at the party, and now we have a ton of leftovers. If I was able to tolerate sugar for breakfast, I'd totally eat a slice of carrot cake. As it is, I will have to wait until at least 11am.

Now Gram is trying to give her china dishes to me. This also happens every time, because she has a lot of them. I tell her not today. Like I said, who knows how much space is going to be in my aunt's car?

Snowing again. Hopefully we'll be able to make it home. On the off chance that we end up in a snow bank for three days, at least we'll have plenty of cheese and rolls to eat, thanks to how much Gram is sending with us.

Now Gram is trying to give Morgan and I jewelry. I picked out a bracelet and Morgan chose a necklace. In Gram's jewelry box was: a plastic toothbrush bracelet that our cousin Grace made, a top, photos, a furry mink tail, a little design crocheted out of hair, football cards, and various other objects. Intriguing.

Time for carrot cake.

We're leaving now. We've been trying to leave for the past hour, but got sidetracked talking about selling an old fashioned water pitcher set on eBay, and then sidetracked about a Smith and Weston gun. My Gram has a gun. But she needs a holster, or it's too heavy.

Stopped snowing. Road is clear, but we haven't gotten to The Pass yet.

(fell asleep). Morgan is taking videos with my Flip video recorder. She thinks it's really funny to zoom in on me.

The Pass is chock full of snow and idiot drivers. We're fine though. I wasn't worried.

(hours later). Guess where we stopped? It's only the best place ever for a vegetarian to be--a meat locker! As in, where people take their dead deer and cows and stuff to get processed. We stopped to get jerky. When I say we, I mean my aunt and uncle and cousins. Inside the store it's really cold, because basically it is a big refrigerator. And there is raw, bloody meat everywhere. Plus some dried jerky. I survive. It's not too bad, because at least there isn't any carcasses hanging from the hooks in the back. Every thing's at least wrapped in plastic.

By the way, my aunt and uncle are way cute together. My aunt had a crush on him since the first time she saw him, when she was a freshman in high school. So adorable.

Whoo-hoo, almost to Silverton. I need to call my mom to come get me, so I can get my car in Woodburn.

End of notes.