Someone call 911

I'm going 4 for 4 this month. Quite amazing, really, considering what a big slacker I typically am.

Let me tell you what I witnessed.

I was at the best store in the world, Target, buying some more ant killer. I made my purchase and then decided to go to Wendy's because a) I was hungry b) It was nearby and c) it was 8:15pm. I had just got my order when a skinny man with a tattoo in his ear comes in. He's talking on his cell phone and asking the girl behind the counter for a bag of ice.

"What?"

"A bag of ice. The girl out here is kind of hurt." He talks into a cell phone. "Dude, you would not believe what just happened. I was pulling out of Wendy's and clipped this girl who was on a bike. Yeah. I didn't even see her, and she didn't see me. Yeah. She's okay and everything, but we are really shaken up."

I decide to leave Wendy's, because clearly, it is hazardous to my health. I get out to the parking lot and her an ambulance. I see flashing red and blue lights. I wait awhile, and then pull around the other side of Wendy's so I can exit. Right there on the corner, in the little patch of grass, is a woman who is being all strapped together by five very attractive paramedics. They have a stretcher and are about to place her in it. I'm seriously right there, where I can see her face.

Confession: Instead of thinking "ohhh, I hope she is okay," I was like "ooooh, hot paramedics." And then I started to think about what it might be like to be rescued by five such paramedics. And spend some time in the ambulance with them. Which reminded me of the time I dislocated my knee cap in Valsetz freshman year of college. I had slipped on a puddle of water. The grilled cheese sandwich I had on my plate went flying, and within five minutes I had two of the public safety academy trainees assisting me. They told me their name so I wouldn't be freaked out (like I was. It's just what they are trained to do). They told me not to move my head even though it was fine. What they should have said was don't move your knees. Eventually I was able to hobble back to my dorm room, without any dinner. I should have sued the university so I could have gotten free tuition. It was negligence on their part.

So anyway, pray for the girl who got hit, you know. But I think she'll be okay. I didn't see any blood.