Fake interview with a real celebrity

The Real Pretend was fortunate enough to schedule a fictional interview with reality star Lauren Conrad. We asked some hard hitting questions and got the dirt.

TRP: Thanks so much for doing this exclusive interview.

LC: You're totally welcome.

TRP: So, Lauren, you have a new book out, LA Candy. It's been a top seller for weeks. You claim it's fiction, but I can't help but see some parallels to your own life.

LC: I know, I know.

TRP: I mean, the main character moves to LA and then gets chosen to star in a reality show....you're trying to tell us that's not you?

LC: I drew from real life experiences, but all the events in the book were fiction.

TRP: Quite the creative imagination you've got there. So like, did you just write down everything you wished would've happened? I remember reading chapter seven where the main character slashes the tires of her ex-best friend's controlling boyfriend.

LC: No, I would never slash someone's tires. It was just a filler for the chapter because I felt the plot was moving along too slowly without it.

TRP: Let's talk about your non-fictionalized ex best-friend, Heidi Montag Pratt.

LC: Everybody wants to bring her up.

TRP: True. But I still have a question for you. Do you think being so vocal with her faith on her recent appearance of I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here is a marketing ploy for the upcoming season of The Hills?

LC: How so?

TRP: I mean, Spencer got baptized in the jungle and the newly married couple spent time praying (when they weren't yelling at the other cast members for taking their hair products). Now that you won't be on The Hills to act as a foil to their characters, don't you think they are looking to polish up their images? Stop being the villains and become the nice, caring couple that everyone sympathizes with?

LC: Well, with Kristin Cavallari coming onto the show, Heidi and Spencer definitely would have to compete for the villain spotlight. She's a total b*tch. In high school I let her borrow my Prada bag and she totally stained it with potatoes.

TRP: Sounds oddly familiar...

LC: But honestly, I don't care about what happens on The Hills. I've moved on, you know? I have two more books I'm contracted to write, and my fashion line to think about. Reality TV is so trashy. I'm glad I could finally get out of it.

TRP: Thank you Lauren, for your time today. I just have one more question for you.

LC: Yes?

TRP: Where'd you get your shirt?

LC: Oh, this? It's Chanel.