Friday, January 9, 2009

Addiction Possibility

...because all the coke is gone.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be addicted to a soap opera. Do you know that the Young and the Restless is in its 34th season? Obviously they must have done a complete cast overhaul several times by now. There's no way they could have kept any of the same people, because then it would be the Old and the Restful. I mean, seriously? Are there people that watch these shows? This one day several years ago, I was flipping through the channels and landed on a soap. Of course it was a mother who went psycho on her daughter and is in the hospital with amnesia so she doesn't remember her split personalities. People get paid to write this crap? Where do I sign up?

When I was a kiddo sometimes my great-grandma, Oma (because we're German, partly) would make me a peanut butter and butter sandwich (disgusting now, but totally loved it then), and she would sit in her chair in front of the TV, turn on the electric fireplace, and watch some soap on TV. My sister and I got really bored during this time, but usually we had toys out and were playing in the living room with Oma. I bet she started watching with the start of season one.

Over Thanksgiving my 8th grade cousin was talking about soaps. "Why are all of the soap operas colored all weird?" he wanted to know. Our relatives are like "what are you talking about?" But I said, "Sam, I know exactly what you mean." Because it's true. You can tell a soap's a soap by the soft yellow glow of the lighting. And the images are even kind of blurred a bit on the edges, I think. You can totally tell.

What would it be like to be a soap addict? I saw in the grocery store once this magazine to catch you up on what happened in all the soaps, in case you missed them. As if someone could be hooked so much that they have to read a summary in a magazine.

There are several reasons I could never start a soap addiction: 1) I am never home between 11 and 2, which is when they air. 2) My TV doesn't work.

The only soap I ever liked slightly was La Fea Mas Bella. I watched it the summer I was in Mexico. Ugly Betty totally stole its story line. But La Fea Mas Bella is totally funny. Maybe that's why my host Mama was addicted.

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