Trippin'

My cousin Grace and I are going on a spring break adventure to see our wonderful Gram, who is not your typical mother's mom. Oh no, my Gram lives it up. We were supposed to go rock hounding/off-roading with my Grandma's jeep, but since there is snow on the ground where she lives, we'll probably go snow shoeing instead. My Gram is 71 years old. She lives like she's 50.

Basically, this is me telling you I will likely not be blogging until Friday (maybe Thursday evening), but that I will keep you updated on the adventures that Gram, Grace, and I have via Twitter, which is in an orange box on the right side of this blog. If you are a Twitter Hater, then I'm sorry, but this is going to be the easiest way for me to tell you what is happening in 140 characters or less. I say this like you actually care about what I'm doing. You probably don't, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Whether you read it or not is entirely up to you. Obviously.

That said, I have to go take a shower and pack because I have no idea when Grace is going to show up on my doorstep to pick me up. Plus, I've gotta charge batteries for my video camera.


This is completely unrelated, but I just wanted to show you how even junk can look beautiful when organized neatly and in accordance with the color wheel. This photo was posted on Things Organized Neatly. It's a collection of waste that was found on the beach of Lake Eerie.

Photo and arrangement done by Cassie McDaniel.

House Tour Video

Thanks for joining me these past few days as I took you on a tour of my home. This post marks the end of House Tour Week. I apologize if this video makes you feel sea sick. I only did one take and obviously did not practice.

Other Places

I've got a few last places in my house to show you. They are the less glammy locations, which goes against the theory that you should save the best for last. Because clearly this isn't. If this were the last chapter of a book, you'd be sincerely dissatisfied.

My laundry room is quite small and is more of a corridor in between the garage and the hallway to the bedrooms. I store most of my cleaning supplies in those cupboards. I guess the real question is, how often do the cupboard doors open? Or is the Windex getting lonely from lack of use?

Unfortunately, doing laundry is still a bore. I just don't have to carry it up/down any stairs any more.

What's behind skinny door Number One?

 I know you are dying to find out...

 Linens! Towels! Washcloths! A pink step-stool because I'm short. There is that brown quilt I mentioned in my bedroom post. Plus I am just crazy for those aqua floral printed sheets that are sitting on top of the quilt. They are from Pottery Barn and have faded due to the fact that I love them so dearly.

Oh heavens, this closet is embarrassing. But you might as well know.

 I keep a lot of crafty items in here, and my roommate keeps her games here (I am awesome at Twister, by the way). Basically I just shove stuff in here when I don't want it anywhere else. Surely you've got one of those spots?

Here is my spare room. It used to be Brittany's room until she got hitched. Now it is just quite empty.

Over Christmas break, I considered making this room purely a place for clothes. You know, like one of those giant walk in closets that Jessica Simpson has? I had grandiose plans of getting garment racks to put in the room, and shoe holders, and maybe even a really girly chandelier that drops from the ceiling and sparkles rainbow light across your cheeks as you strap on your Jimmy Choos in the morning. Only I'm not really that girl. Plus, I shut the heat off in that room to save on utilities, and I wouldn't want to get dressed in a place that is cold. So I nixed the idea. Maybe during the summer?

I mean, just look at all that space for my overcrowded clothing. Or a three way mirror. Like anyone needs that.

I'd show you my roommate's bedroom but I feel like that is an invasion of privacy. Plus, I'm not the one who decorated it. It is basically the twin of my spare room. My house has three bedrooms in all, and they are quite small.

My garage is really boring so I won't even show you that. I park my car in there, along with the multiple plastic storage tubs that hold college textbooks and childhood toys.

Well friends, tomorrow marks the end of House Tour Week. Thanks for being such a snoop. I've pretty much shown you everything, but check back tomorrow for a bonus video.

And if you want to share any links to pictures of your place, I would find it interesting, because I am a snoop too.

The Bathrooms

Aren't you just way excited to look inside someone else's loo? I promised I cleaned it first. We'll start with the main bathroom, because it's my favorite room in the house, despite the fact that I never use it. But it's very pretty and makes a good impression, I think.

That mirror is actually quite gigantic, and I had to hang it with much assistance.

I just love that shower curtain. It's from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

If you notice in the above photos, the walls appear to be Wheat. Or at least that's what the paint can said. I've got one wall that is Asparagus. It's quite punchy in real life for being named after a vegetable, which is why it's only on one of the walls. But I like it a lot. I also enjoy the tree photos that are in this bathroom.

One can never have too many hooks, especially if you are a pirate. Most of the hardware in this bathroom is brushed bronze.

Let's move on and take a visit to my bathroom. I feel thoroughly spoiled that I have my own, because I never did until I moved into this house. In high school my sister and I used to fight over the sink and mirror, and during my college years I either lived it up dorm style or shared with other people.

This is where I make myself cute.

I thoroughly enjoy Warm Vanilla Sugar hand soap from Bath and Body Works. It's my favorite scent ever.

Are you mortified that you're looking at my toilet? You should be. 

 This is rather tacky but incredibly useful. I have a clear plastic over the door shoe holder that I use to stash all my products, because I've got no drawers in the bathroom. Then I hang some of my necklaces so I can contemplate my accessories in the morning.

 The background color of the wall is not true in this photo. It looks rather green, but it's actually like mint toothpaste. I am a poor photographer. The circle is done in a paint called Oasis.

Shower curtain by Roxy. Best colors ever.

Sometimes I need a visual reminder to pray. I try to make sure I talk to God while in the shower, which is kind of weird I guess, but he already knows everything about me. I cut those letters out of foam and they just sort of stick.

And now you can die happy because you've seen my loo.

My Room

I'm not entirely sure I know you well enough to invite you in, but here's a peek nonetheless. I've got a lightweight chocolate brown quilt that I put on during the summer months, but during the winter I have a comforter on my bed. Cover by Ikea. And yes, that is a single person bed. It's also the same bed I've slept in since age four. It's 1/2 of a bunk bed set (my sister has the other half at her house). Am I revealing too much about myself? Probably. But I think we're already past that.

The key to a good night's sleep is to be surrounded by books. That is why so many college students are able to fall asleep while at the library. I keep all my favorites and "currently reading" by my bedside.

 The wall color is called Aquaduct by Sherwin Williams. I watch a lot of squirrels totter on the edge of that fence outside. They're adorable. That is, until they attack.

Whoops, here's an accidental peek into my bathroom. You weren't supposed to see that until tomorrow. But now you know what color I adore.

See that picture of two girls walking? It's a chalk drawing of me and my sister. If you look carefully at the photo of my short bookcase, you will notice a framed photograph of the same image sitting on top. 

My Kitchen

I love to eat, so a comfy kitchen is mandatory. I don't really do a lot of cooking, but I seem to do a lot of hanging around in my kitchen. You know, mostly eating--or talking to other people while they eat. Or looking at/for food. Or baking cupcakes.

This is the dining/kitchen area. In case it wasn't obvious.

The bar counter is incredibly useful. It's nice to spread everything out when I am baking or crafting. Ninety-five percent of the time my roommate and I eat our meals while sitting on the bar stools, because for some reason it's better than the table. Probably because it's closer to the food source.

I hung some things on the wall. Can you tell what my favorite color is? It will become glaringly evident when I show you my bedroom/bathroom. I really like that little frame of the blue Royal typewriter.

See you lovelies tomorrow as we make our way down the hall.

My Living Room

My living room is by far the most spacious room in my house. I sometimes like to throw raging parties in it (do you believe me?) When I first moved in with my friends Natalie and Brittany, we basically had no furniture. So this is what it looked like.

Then when we moved all the boxes in, Brittany constructed this really awesome fort out of them, draped with blankets across the top, of course. I wish I had a picture of it. I probably would have left the fort in the front room forever, had I not needed to access everything that those boxes contained.

After settling in, the room no longer echoed. Let me show you a few of my favorite things.

I adore this bookcase. I didn’t get it until I lived in my house a year, and the wait was totally worth it. It is actual real solid wood, not that fake laminate that most stores sell. Plus, I got it delivered for free. By free, I mean it was probably included in the expensive price. But it was a good advertising scheme. It's six feet tall.

This couch is hands down the most comfortable piece of furniture I own. People actually get smashed so that they have to stay the night on my couch and sober up. It’s super comfy for naps, and I prefer it to my bed. I bought it brand new, so it’s gotta last me until I’m 45 years old. No pukers, please. I am fairly certain that this couch can seat nine people comfortably. It’s a barge. I keep forgetting to test it when I have that many people at my house at once. Next to it is a matching love seat, which basically acts as a mini-sofa for my five foot frame.

Below is the typewriter that I inherited upon my grandmother's passing. I love it because it was hers, but it so utterly me. Of course I just adore having her typewriter. Next to it sits my BP issued oil spill globe, which I like very much.

I once saw a black chalkboard style globe and you could color in the continents with different hues of chalk. Wouldn't you just die to have such a thing? I would. Though I could probably make my own if I went to Goodwill and found an old globe and then went to the craft store to pick up some chalkboard paint. Alright, now I know what I'm crafting during spring break.

This is a shot of my office space. I want to paint the desk (I know, after I told you I was through with painting). Have any suggestions for it?

I sit on a yoga ball instead of in a chair.

I would just like to point out that I do not make it a habit to objectify men who surf and pose with their shirts off, but that is the hot man calender that my sister picked up for me in Hawaii. I know I've mentioned it before. The man for March is named Benjamin and he is wearing green shorts in honor of St. Patty's day.

House Tour Week!

Stalkers and snoopers are gonna love this. This week I will be posting everyday (I know, right?!) and I’m going to show you the various areas of my house. I’ve lived here for 20 months and am finally getting around to the virtual house tour. If I like you and you live near me, chances are you’ve seen my house in real-life and will find this week's posts snooze worthy, because you’ve already opened up all my closets and drawers when I wasn’t looking. If you haven’t been to my house, it does not mean that I don’t like you, it just means that you should probably message me in some form (comment, Facebook, e-mail, letter through USPS, text, Twitter, radio waves, or telepathy) and tell me that you want to come over to my house for tea and cupcakes. I will happily oblige you. I actually love visitors.

Now let me just say, when you look at the photos of my abode this week, do not go all “wow, Joelle, really? You’ve lived there for nearly two years and this is all you’ve done with the place?” I will happily take decorating suggestions, so long as you are not recommending I paint anything. I realize that paint is the simplest, cheapest way to change the look of something, but at this point, I am totally over paint. If you recommend painting to me, you better be willing to drive over here in your white coveralls and help me. I’ll hold the ladder while you hold the brush.

Today I’m going to show you the outside of my house. The following pictures were taken last summer, when my house was looking cheerful. It still had the smile of summer across its face. If I took outdoor photos right now, you’d see a muddy back yard, leafless trees, and gray clouds looming overhead. It’s not pleasant. I prefer to re-live July and August via digital photos. I swear to you, my house does not look drastically different now. It just looks depressing outside due to the Oregon weather. So instead you get to look at my house when it was graced with sun.

I got this welcome mat from Target. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish...

In case you were wondering, I mow my lawn with a non-gas powered, non-electrical, non-motor 1950s style grass cutter, which I bought at Sears. It’s the sort of lawn mower you can use at the dead of night and your neighbors will have no clue you’re out trimmin’ the turf. I like to do everything in a stealthy manner, and so this environmentally friendly grass solution was my best friend. Plus, it gives me a mini-work out.

The side of my yard is basically the width of a bowling lane.

 Below is my back patio when I set it up for the good weather. I previously dedicated a whole post to it, so I will be brief with you now and tell you I painted the chairs and re-upholstered them myself. Glass of lemonade, anyone?

And here are a few more photos for you to click through.

Good Women Do Exist

If you are female, then I strongly recommend you poke your nose around this site and read some of the women's stories. The Good Women Project was launched by Lauren Lankford, who also keeps a raw, heart-touching blog and intriguing Tumblr account. This is a newly started project, and Lauren is looking for women to share their stories. So if you are a good woman, or know of a good woman, or if you think of yourself as a "bad" woman, it doesn't really matter. Just check it out. In this world it is easy to think, "I'm the only one left," or even "I am not a good woman." Yes, Beautiful, you are. Good women do exist, and you can be one. You are totally worth it.

Comedy of Errors

Here are a few short pieces of things that have happened recently:

At school last week during lunch, Drew didn't eat any of his hamburger. It's all he had on his tray. I told him to at least take a few bites. He says "But teacher, I'm a veggie-tarian."
"I know you're not," I say.
"Yes, teacher I am!"
"Then where are your vegetables?"
"Oh. I forgot about them."
That kid tries to fool me everyday. It never works, but it is hilarious the kinds of things he tries to get me to believe.

*****************

My sister was trying to think of management tips for my children. I told her my biggest problem is that I have three boys who are never quiet. My sister does not have kids or work with kids, she just has three Rottweiler dogs, who sometimes bark a lot. Jess contemplated my dilemma, and then applied her canine knowledge to my human problem. "Just give him a spoon full of peanut butter and tell him to eat it during class. That'll shut him up." In case it's not totally obvious, this is the technique she uses with her dogs if they go on a long barking stretch. I have not yet tried her idea.

*****************

Last Tuesday was Dr. Seuss' birthday, and I decided to read a book to my class. A teacher should probably take some time to read through The Cat in the Hat before reading it aloud to her class, because it may just so happen to be that she checked out the French copy from the school library. Why we have a French copy, I don't even know, considering 80% of our students speak Spanish. Don't worry. I caught it two minutes ahead of time and saved myself. Dr. Suess doesn't rhyme well in French.

*****************

My mom was talking to me a few days ago about my future career aspirations. The conversation went like this:
My mom: So what's your plan?
Me: My plan?
My mom: Yeah. What are you going to do after this school year?
Me: Marry a millionaire and then I won't have to work. So if I meet him tomorrow, we get married in September...I'll be good. I won't have to go without health insurance or worry about not having a job.

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I've been sick and tomorrow will be day 2.5 that I have a sub. Usually substitutes write you notes about which students did well and which students were a pain in the butt. I have a lot of students and they all look alike, plus I have three students named Jasmine. But they are all spelled differently (Jasmin, Jasmine, and Jazmin). Anyway, student identification can get a bit tricky. So that's why I decided to photocopy our class picture and leave it in the sub folder along with notes written about some of the children. I highlighted blue boxes around the photos of the kids who would be trustworthy and helpful if the sub didn't know what to do, and I put yellow boxes around the kids who have behavior issues (so the sub shouldn't trust anything they say). The thing copied in black and white of course, and across the top of it I wrote "The Line Up." So basically, for a few of the kids it'll be like their first mug shot. 

This is not my class, but you get the idea.

I feel like (fav. explicit adj. here)

Friends, I have some good shorts to tell you soon (maybe tomorrow during a break??) but right now I am totally wiped. I went to Walgreens and spent $24.99 on drugs. I bought cough drops, mucinex, and Vicks Vapor Rub, which I am apparently supposed to put on my feet and then cover with socks and go to bed.

I am not showering or packing my lunch. Tomorrow is pajama day, so I will probably rock the bed head and wear slippers. I am going to go put on two layers of pj bottoms, a long sleeved shirt and sweatshirt, and many blankets. My house is currently 70 degrees. I've got a thermometer in my mouth right now. It's currently at 99.6, and I haven't even had it in there for very long. Typically my temperature is 97.4, because I am weird and always cold. So this is definitely considered a fever for me. I ache. 99.7 and rising.

Good night.

Pray for my health, because I am supposed to go on a trip this weekend.

In Defense of Beans

As a vegetarian, I probably eat more beans that the average white American. American's love to make jokes about how Mexican food makes you fart, and how if you eat any amount of beans your are just going to become one gassy balloon ready to pop. I plan on eating even more legumes as usual because I am currently utterly fascinated by Timothy Ferriss' diet in his new book, The Four Hour Body.

 I basically just want to let you in on two pieces of information that you may or may not already know.

The reason that you are gassy after eating beans is because of the high amount of raffinose sugars that are hard for humans to digest. So if you eat canned beans (as I do, because I am too lazy to soak and cook my own), then rinse them off in cold water. This gets rid of the bubbly sugar junk, and also decreases the amount of sodium you consume. I rinse my beans off in this cute little Martha Stewart brand turquoise colander that my mother bought me for Christmas. It works perfectly. And you know, the purchase of it helped benefit Martha's post-prison life. So now she doesn't have to hammer out license plates and put cute designs in them with her craft punches.

 A note on gas producing sugars: raffinose, fructose, lactose, and sorbitol are the four to know about. If you want a simple article to read that talks more about different foods that have these sugars, read this. Or you know, Google something.  

Research has also shown that the digestive system can adapt to the consumption of beans if you eat them frequently. People who eat beans often fart less than those people who rarely eat beans. You might think to yourself "I don't want to be a gas filled fuel tank, I better not eat beans often." But really, if you just eat beans regularly, you're body will adjust and you will be fine, no Beano needed.

So my advice to you:
Rinse those beans and eat them frequently. And lay off the bean jokes. Also, read The Four Hour Body. It's fascinating.