Comedy of Errors

Here are a few short pieces of things that have happened recently:

At school last week during lunch, Drew didn't eat any of his hamburger. It's all he had on his tray. I told him to at least take a few bites. He says "But teacher, I'm a veggie-tarian."
"I know you're not," I say.
"Yes, teacher I am!"
"Then where are your vegetables?"
"Oh. I forgot about them."
That kid tries to fool me everyday. It never works, but it is hilarious the kinds of things he tries to get me to believe.

*****************

My sister was trying to think of management tips for my children. I told her my biggest problem is that I have three boys who are never quiet. My sister does not have kids or work with kids, she just has three Rottweiler dogs, who sometimes bark a lot. Jess contemplated my dilemma, and then applied her canine knowledge to my human problem. "Just give him a spoon full of peanut butter and tell him to eat it during class. That'll shut him up." In case it's not totally obvious, this is the technique she uses with her dogs if they go on a long barking stretch. I have not yet tried her idea.

*****************

Last Tuesday was Dr. Seuss' birthday, and I decided to read a book to my class. A teacher should probably take some time to read through The Cat in the Hat before reading it aloud to her class, because it may just so happen to be that she checked out the French copy from the school library. Why we have a French copy, I don't even know, considering 80% of our students speak Spanish. Don't worry. I caught it two minutes ahead of time and saved myself. Dr. Suess doesn't rhyme well in French.

*****************

My mom was talking to me a few days ago about my future career aspirations. The conversation went like this:
My mom: So what's your plan?
Me: My plan?
My mom: Yeah. What are you going to do after this school year?
Me: Marry a millionaire and then I won't have to work. So if I meet him tomorrow, we get married in September...I'll be good. I won't have to go without health insurance or worry about not having a job.

*****************

I've been sick and tomorrow will be day 2.5 that I have a sub. Usually substitutes write you notes about which students did well and which students were a pain in the butt. I have a lot of students and they all look alike, plus I have three students named Jasmine. But they are all spelled differently (Jasmin, Jasmine, and Jazmin). Anyway, student identification can get a bit tricky. So that's why I decided to photocopy our class picture and leave it in the sub folder along with notes written about some of the children. I highlighted blue boxes around the photos of the kids who would be trustworthy and helpful if the sub didn't know what to do, and I put yellow boxes around the kids who have behavior issues (so the sub shouldn't trust anything they say). The thing copied in black and white of course, and across the top of it I wrote "The Line Up." So basically, for a few of the kids it'll be like their first mug shot. 

This is not my class, but you get the idea.