Things to do when you are awake at 3:30 AM

It's 3:49am on Sunday when I decide to give up sleeping. I've already peed, so a full bladder is not what is keeping me from the zzzzzs, but I realize that my stomach is protesting. I think back to what I ate for dinner and realize, yes, the gummy worms and Rice Krispy treat leftovers from my dessert sushi experiment doesn't constitute a solid meal, and I should be hungry. What I do is trod out to the kitchen in my pjs, but I put on a pair of sunglasses before turning on a light. I hate bright lights, and I hate lights even more when my eyes have been shut for a few hours, and even more, I'm supposed to be producing melatonin at this hour but I'm not. Instead what I am doing is making peanut butter toast for breakfast.

I think to myself, Gosh it's a good thing Mandy isn't here. What if she were to come out of her room to use the bathroom, and she spotted me wearing boxer shorts and ray bans while eating toast at the kitchen counter? At four in the morning.

But Mandy isn't here, and since I cannot sleep, I decide to make my time productive. I clean up about half of my craft table, discover a bracelet that needs to be re-strung, and commence stringing said bracelet in the half-dark of my living room. Then I move my keyboard into the spare room (I'm trying to remember how to play....it's been like NINE years), file some papers, and organize the piles of items that need to be returned to various places in the house.

What I really want to do is cut the grass, because I didn't do it yesterday like I meant to. But you can't really mow the grass at four a.m., because it is dark. You might be like "and your neighbors would hate you for the noise" but you forget that I do not have a lawn mower but a 1950s style hand-pushed grass cutter. That thing is silent. I contemplate finding my headlamp and strapping it on so that I can go do yard work under the moonlight, but then I remember, oh wait, I don't own a headlamp. That is the second time this summer I've wished I'd had one. The first time was when I was exploring a water-filled cavern at Salmon Falls.

I don't dare turn on my computer, because internet browsing is the NUMBER ONE thing NOT to do when you are up in the wee hours of the morning. First off, I am sure I wouldn't be able to handle the bright, brain-washing glow of the screen. It would be like a trapped Chilean miner emerging into the daylight without protective eye gear after being stuck in a tunnel for forty days. Sure, I was already wearing shades, but my computer screen burns my retinas like the sun. Plus, on-line activity in the middle of the night is not peaceful, and it usually results in you Googling "What would I look like if I were black?" and then finding a photo manipulation site sponsored by St. Andrews that allows you to see what you would look like if you were five different ethnicities plus a manga cartoon character.

Two weeks ago I woke up at four in the morning and couldn't sleep, so what I did was read my Bible with a book light (one that did not attach to the head). How Christian of me, right? But I must say, it was time well spent, it was peace filled, and I slept well after reading 32 chapters in the book of Psalms. To be honest, I was kind of like "What's a book that will put me to sleep?" Because I didn't have my U.S. History book from junior year of high school anymore, and I yearned for slumber. Now, I'm not saying that I thought the Bible would put me to sleep (Well, Chronicles might), because I fully read first and second Kings recently, and I don't understand why no one has made a war movie out of some of the juicy, back-stabbing, land thieving stories that are in there. I was on the edge of my seat.

So it's about 5:12am, and since I can't go do yard work, I decide to try to resume sleeping. I succeed and begin to dream that I am back in high school, at the new campus, and I'm late for class but it's okay because I can run and jump up to the second and third floor of the school much like Mario on a mission, minus the mustache. I don't even wake up till 8:30, with the aid of my alarm.What a miracle! When I do get out of bed well rested, I think back to my secret hours in the night. It was like a bonus day. I accomplished so much. I think I might do this more often. But I need to get a head lamp first.