the greatest virgin who ever lived

There are girls like me. People don't talk about us a lot because it makes them feel uncomfortable. It makes us feel uneasy. The media tries to hide girls like us. Often, we are told to mask ourselves and to put on a theatrical performance of who we think you want us to be. I'm here to tell you that there are girls like me, that there is no need to cover the truth, because our truth is beautifully radiant.

Every day that I don't own who I am and what I value, I might as well be endorsing teen sex or encouraging friends to closet the truth for so long that it becomes so dusty with shame that it makes you allergic just to open the lid and take a peek to see what's inside.

This is my truth, and I'm polishing it to a gleaming shine, setting it up on my imaginary mantle, and putting a big pink neon sign over it that reads This is What I Value.

I know it's not a secret to a lot of you. You may have even deduced this truth about me through the reading of previous posts or the title of my favorite movie. Many people probably wouldn't even think of the topic. Here is the truth, in case you didn't know, because I want you to be aware: I am 25 years old and still a virgin. Bigger secret still, I am 25 years old and have never kissed a boy.

Did that get you? You say, "Joelle, why are you admitting these things? They make you sound like a loser nobody wants. Or a really big prude. Or someone so judgmental about purity that not a soul will want to tell you all the things they've done."

I am telling you because I've believed my virgin lips to be a shame of mine, and that's the devil's  clever trick--trying to make you hide who you are. This is the truth of our world. Boys and girls are shamed into hiding that they have been molested or abused, so they keep their frozen lips sealed and their burnt hearts seared. Women feel shamed to admit they lost their virginity at 16 to their high school boyfriend, or that they had a one night stand with a man who doesn't even know their last name. The world shames men for not having notches on their bed post, saying that they must not be a man if they have not yet had a woman.

Whether you are Christian or not, I feel like there is this line that has been drawn. It's a line that people pretend they can't see, and it has been written out in the mud. There is one side where you are congratulated for being sexually pure. People think You're 15 and haven't done anything with anybody? Good for you, you're too young anyway. You're 20, have dated the same person for two years, and still haven't slept together? Way to stick to your values. But there is this line you cross when you later become too old to still honorably have your virginity intact. People begin to think you must be pathetic. That the reason you still hold your V card is because no one wants you. If you've never even kissed anybody, surely you must have leprosy on your lips or something.

That was me. If anybody came up and asked me "Have you ever had sex?" (which you know, is a question I'm asked on a weekly basis), I would be totally fine telling them no, that I'm a Christian and I believe in waiting until I am married. But if anybody came up and asked "How old were you when you had your first kiss?" I might lie. Aforementioned nosy person is assuming that since I have completed grades K-12, and have graduated from college, that I must have smooched someone. How could you not? Well friends, it's totally possible. I've done it. Somebody buy me a trophy. Or like, a golden plaque with my name on it, so I can hang it above my door "Here Lives The Girl Who Has Yet To Be Kissed."

Here is a non-comprehensive list of some of the things I've never done. You may think I am pathetic after reading it, but I am here to tell you that there are girls like me. We are beautiful and we are clever and we are worth while.

I have never been on a date.
I have never kissed a boy.
I have never had sex.
I have also never ridden on the back of a Vespa with my hair flowing in the wind while clutching the abs of a lovely foreign man, but that is another story for another time.
Did throwing in a joke lighten the mood? Whoops.
I have never had sex.
That should fix it.


To the boy who takes me on my first date: It means you actually have a pair. It means you are brave. It means that you wiped the dust off the stained glass window and saw something beautiful when no one else could.

To the guy who gives me my first kiss: It means I trust you enough not to judge me. It means I think you are kind. It means I think you are smokin' hot. It means I've already thought about whether or not I'd let you kiss me, and I have decided Yes.

To the man to whom I give myself: It means that you are my husband. It means I am madly in love with you. It means I think you were worth the wait, that I want to be yours forever, that you are the only person I've ever wanted, that I trust you with all my vulnerability. It means that you are good, and you are kind, and you were chosen among all the bodies and souls on this earth to be my protector. It means that I will love you a day past forever.