Of All the Lies and Secrets

Of all the lies and secrets we love best, here is the one that takes them all: you are not wanted.

Like a teddy bear hugged dearly at night, I have held this lie next to me since I was small. I have the evidence of it, I've seen it written in my child scrawl. Nobody wants me. I've got record of this since 1995. I have gone through much of my life thinking that no one will ever want me, that I will die alone and unloved.

It is a lie. You haven't a clue how hard that was for me to write. It. Is. A. Lie. They are Satan's lies and I know that. For so long I've thought it truth. I have believed that not being wanted was the truest thing that's ever happened to me. But I know deep down in my heart that I have been wanted. I've been wanted desperately and dearly since the day I was born. Since before then, actually.

God wants me fiercely. He wants me to be only his. And how much have I pushed him away because he wasn't the one I wanted to want me? You don't count, I'd tell him. You're God. You have to want me. Of anybody, he should hate me the most, for I have wronged him the greatest.

God wants me, and he wants me more than anybody. More than a boy with a perfect smile, more than a friend with a rambunctious personality, God wants me to be his. I need to shake off these lies and start believing the truth. It's the truest truth that could ever be told. God loves me and wants me to be only his.

The thing about truths is, they apply to everybody. God loves you, and he wants you more than anything.