A Halloween $cript

I was going to write you a really creepy Halloween story. You know, something about how I went to work at my school on Sunday evening (which I will totally still be doing, thanks to the overwhelming amount of work I have to do) and I saw the ghost of the child who haunts the school. There totally is one. A boy died there many years ago. Okay, now that I'm starting to think about it, I'm getting the heebie jeebies in anticipation. I don't want to be at my school on Halloween. I'll have to wake up super early on Sunday so I can get there and be gone before dark, when all the vampires and ghosts are walking by. What was I thinking? I totally should have stayed late on Friday, instead of jetting at 3:45. Anyway. As I was saying, I was going to write you a creepy Halloween story, but instead all you get is this script of dialouge.

Setting: My car, driving down Lancaster at 4:30pm on October 30th.
Characters: Me, Officer Bingham

Me: (rolls down window, peers up at police officer who has just pulled me over) Hello?

Officer Bingham: Ma'am are you aware that you were going ten miles over the speed limit?

Me: No, I didn't realize. I'm sorry.

Officer Bingham: Can I see your license and registration, please.

Me: Yeah, sure. (leans over to open glove box)

Officer Bingham: Jo Lee? (As he tries to pronounce my name off of my license, his eyes shift to the floor of my back seat)

Me: Jo Elle.

Officer Bingham: Joelle, have you been drinking today?

Me: Not yet. I've only had water, I swear.

Officer Bingham: Why do I see an empty Jack Daniels bottle in the backseat of your car?

Me: Oh, that. That's been empty. It's for my Ke$ha costume.

Officer Bingham: (raises eyebrow skeptically--probably because I am not blonde and thus do not look much like Kesha).

Me: Or rather, it's for my best friend's Ke$ha costume. We're going to a Halloween party tonight, and it's for her outfit.

Officer Bingham: Who's Kesha?

Me: You know, the singer.

Officer Bingham: Never heard of her.

Me: You know....Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy?

Officer Bingham: (who has obviously never woken up feeling like P Diddy any morning his whole life) So how's a bottle of whiskey fit into this?

Me: (sings quietly) Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
'Cause when I leave for the night, I ain't coming back...They're the lyrics!

should've had this pic to show the cop

Officer Bingham: So if your friend is dressing up as this Kesha person, who are you going to be?

Me: Snooki.

Officer Bingham: Who?

Me: Really, you should watch more MTV.

Officer Bingham: How about I just write you a ticket.

The End.


FYI This has been a fictional life story. I did not get pulled over by the cops. Or at least, I haven't yet. But the part about the ghost at my school is totally true.