Burger Shack Shock

I'm sitting in the back seat of the car, fearing for my life, feeling like I might throw up the Portebello stuffed mushroom I just ate. My cousin flips a U-ie in front of the train tracks, and I think to myself  "how on earth did this kid make it back alive from California?"

3.5  hours earlier
 After being absent from Friday Night Dinners for a whole month, I re-joined the gang the other night. I got picked up at my house at seven by my cousin Jason and his girlfriend Heidi. Then we went over two blocks to my sister's house and picked her and The Trav up. While Heidi and I waited in the driveway for Jason to collect the rest of the family, I was informed by Heidi that my sister and fake brother were ripping out their shower and toilet. News to me.

"Wait, wait. You are telling me that my sister and Travis are ripping out their shower right now?"
"Um, I think they're doing it tomorrow. But it's happening."
"Alright, so tomorrow. I'm just wondering if she's gonna ask if she can come over and take a shower. I know she will. Shower replacements are not exactly a one day thing. Home improvement always takes longer than you think it will."

Next Jess, Jason, and Travis get into the car. We start chatting and then Jess says to me, "Are you going to be home tomorrow?" I wait before responding.
I yell up to the front seat,"Hey, Heidi, will you listen to this question that my sister is asking me?"
Heidi turns and looks back at me and Jess.
"Yes, Jess? What was your question?" I say.
"Are you going to be home tomorrow?" She asks again.
"Hmmm, for part of the day. Why do you ask?" Like I don't already know.
"Because maybe I'll have to come over and use the bathroom."
"Ha! I knew it!" I scream. Heidi and I high-five each other.
My sister is so predictable. I don't have a problem with her coming over to use my bathroom, except that I will have to leave a key somewhere since I might be gone. But I know how to play my cards.
"Well, Jess. I do need my mailbox to be fixed."
Side note: I got a message in my mailbox from the carrier that my mailbox needs to be moved forward on the board because apparently the door won't open all the way. It's the second notice I've gotten. I'm afraid he'll stop delivering all my fatty checks bills. I was tempted to leave a note for him that said "Sorry, don't have husband, not good with hammer. Will get to this as soon as I find a handy man." I mean, I probably could figure the stupid thing out if I really tried, but I'd also probably end up flattened on the road considering the proximity of the mailbox to a frequently traveled street.

"If you or Travis help me fix my mailbox by 9 pm on Sunday, then I will leave you a key to my house and you can use the bathroom. I'll even make you a nice bubble bath and leave you a fluffy white towel, just like a swanky hotel. Plus I'll light the vanilla candles. It'll be real nice. Wadja say?"

It's 8 pm on Sunday and she hasn't called me to use the potty/shower yet, but there could still be a chance. Today is day two of the re-model and they still don't have it in working order yet. See progress below.

Anyway, so we finally get to the restaurant, which is this really tiny burger shack down town. It's incredibly popular, and as I eye it up, I realize there is no way the five of us are gonna fit in there. And it's not even like I take up a lot of space.

Travis is really determined to get a burger from this place because he wanted to go for his birthday dinner last week but the combined family of 12 couldn't fit then either. We wait around for 25 minutes (outside in the cold because there is no standing space) and look at the menu. Once we are seated, we know exactly what to order.

We start to draw on the table with crayons because that's what you do at this place. They place a giant sheet of brown paper on your table and you doodle. If you are a really good artist or draw an image depicting how much you love their burgers, then they keep your doodle and hang it up on the wall.

As we are eating, the boys start to talk about finances. Jess and Travis tell Jason about how they keep their money separate even though they are married, an intriguing idea that I wrote more about here. I tell Jason and Heidi that I think that is weird, and if they ever marry each other, they should not have separate accounts. But what do I know? I'm not the married person who has to mesh finances with another person. I know it causes headaches for many people. So Jason is kinda getting riled up about the issue, because he does manage his money well, but Heidi wants him to become more educated on the matter.
Jason says in an upset tone, "She wants me to go to some dumb Davey Crockett class."

I burst out laughing even before Heidi corrects him and says, "Dave Ramsey."
I find it incredibly hilarious that Jason has made this error. Unfortunately, this joke is only funny to people who know who Dave Ramsey is. Thus, no one else at my table is laughing with me. In case you didn't know, Dave Ramsey is a financial guru that gives pretty good advice and goes around giving seminars. He also has written books. Learn more about him here.

We talk a bit more and Heidi says, "the first order of business is to get a nice, sparkling diamond on this finger." She holds up her left hand. "Then we'll discuss the rest of it."
This leads to the subject of college debt, whereupon Jason says, "My deal is we can't get married till she has college paid off." (Heidi is 19 and about half way through college).
Heidi scoffs and says, "Yeah right, you can't keep it in your pants that long."
At which point I double over laughing.
Those kids. They crack me up. Here, this part is for the two of you: finish college before you get married, spend carefully, and keep it in your pants.

Here is Heidi loving her burger. Notice the bare finger. All in good time.

We love to eat and talk smack.

Pretty soon we are about the last table still in the joint, so we pay and leave. We all pile into the car again and Jason starts to drive us home to our deaths. We're waiting at a red light for about forever, so Travis gets out of the car and hits the walk signal so that our light will turn green. His plan doesn't work quickly enough though, and Jason gets annoyed and turns right instead. Right into a one way street, which has another car coming up it. 
"Oh shit!" he yells, and does an erratic turn to go straight (through the red light). Only just as he goes straight, the signal turns green, making it legal. The car makes it down about two streets and then Jason sees a train ahead of us and the crossing rails down. We watch and the train slows to a practical stop. It's not going anywhere for a long time. Patience is a virtue. Some people don't have it. Just as another car is about to pull up behind us, Jason floors the gas then hits the breaks and makes a U-turn right in front of the train tracks. He starts driving in the other direction looking for a street that the train hasn't blocked.

His passengers comment on his driving skills.
"What're you talking about? I just got back from driving in California. This is what they do all the time," Jason reasons.
"Well, you are back in Oregon now," we tell him.

We manage to drive quite far in the opposite direction of our collective homes when we find a place where we can cross. It's then that someone points out that we could have gone up the street instead and gone the other way, resulting in a faster and more direct route. But whatever. Jason makes up for lost time.

I tell him he better not pull any more funny business because I am sitting right behind him and will puke on his head if he does.

I make it home alive. I will also probably drive myself next week.