Midnight Tryst

I am sneaking some time with the computer while my dad is asleep. First off, I have to say that I am hesitant to type as this keyboard is absolutely disgusting. It practically has fur. There are dust and hairs and crumbs and the tab key is jammed down, probably because something fell in between the cracks. I know what I should have gotten my dad for Christmas: canned air. Then maybe he'd clean his keyboard once every three years. I would totally leave and go to the store to buy some, minus the fact that there is six to seven inches of snow on the ground. I actually have not set foot outside of the house since I got here Saturday morning. I have plans to construct a snowman the size of myself, and to get some food dye, water, and spray bottles and graffiti the stark white lawn. You know, bright red letters saying SOS.

I am afraid of starvation. It may be the holidays, but considering the vastly different diet of myself compared to my parents, and the fact that I can't go to the store, I may die. So far I have eaten Doritos for two meals. I was excited to find some carrot sticks and ranch in the fridge, but upon closer inspection the carrots were slimy. I bought orange juice and a tub of vanilla yogurt for my first night at Jess' house because we were making breakfast for dinner. I brought the leftovers with me and have been eating that as well.

Pretty much I have just done some extensive reading, a bit of art (looked through my high school portfolio--who knew I had such talent!), cleaned my closet, watched a movie, and slept in. I woke up to the sound of my dad starting his snow mobile for a quick trip down the road. My mom has two kittens hiding out in the old garage and I plan on smuggling them into the house tomorrow. Heavens knows there are plenty of places to hide them. I could just keep them in my bathtub and no one would know.

During the cleaning of my closet, I found some childhood evidence that may make for an interesting blog. You'll have to wait for that until I get back to my house where I have my computer and scanner.

Oh! I forgot what else I did. I was at the table eating Doritos for lunch when my dad silently puts this printed page in front of my face. Results of an online IQ test, apparently. He smugly pointed out that he was at the very top of the spectrum. He says I should take the test. I was like, what is the URL? Tickle.com he tells me. Sounds very credible. Only because I am utterly bored, and it means he will actually let me use the computer, do I take the test. I log in and start the first page of questions. He's sitting right there, breathing down my neck. "I think I'd do better if you weren't watching me," I say. I get to one question and spend like nine minutes thinking about it, so he leaves. But he comes back periodically to judge my intelligence. I finish question forty, print the page, and give it to him. Ha! Sucker. We got the exact same score. The results just said I was higher in linguistic ability, instead of mathematics, like he was. He thinks this is odd and starts to question the validity of the test. Oh sure, when he was a genius, it was fine, but when he finds out I scored the same, I can't be a genius too. I'm not saying that I am. I think the test was semi-ridiculous. To say I landed in the top three percentile is a bit ludicrous. I don't think I'm that smart. There are zillions of people smarter than me. My dad tries to get my mom to take the test, but she refuses because she knows he'll just make fun of her. Smart choice.

Now I am going to go sanitize my fingers because this keyboard is seriously sick. Oh, btw, I did not fall at all today. But the bruise on my leg has blackened.