Time to pop a Xanax

Today was a horrible dose of reality. It is winter break and I don't have to go back to work until January 4th, but for some reason I have decided to torture myself. This is how it went down.

I woke up at 9:10, only because I actually set an alarm. If I hadn't set an alarm, I am almost 98% positive I would have slept until 11:30. And I know what you are thinking, "Really? 9:10? Come on Joelle." And I totally agree with you. 9:10 is really late. It's also really early when you only have two weeks out of the year until summer to sleep in. It's also really early when you love sleep and are deprived.

I went to Costco on an errand for my mother, then I battled, and I mean BATTLED downtown traffic so that I could go to a certain fabric store. I had to drive around the same block collectively four times. Parking was a nightmare, so I ended up walking a bit. Also, I get lost quite often, so the circling of the same block may have been half the traffic, half my brain on freeze dry.

After the battle with down town, I went to the Dollar Tree for all my teacher needs. It was about 2:30 at this time. I spent four bucks then drove to my school. I don't think you understand the gravity of what I just said there. I drove to my school, during break--during a time when I should be at home watching Gary Hobson on Early Edition and eating pie--so that I could go to work and not get paid for it. I am a martyr, I know.

There were no cars in the parking lot, so I used my badge to get in, and looked at the alarm. It was disarmed, which made sense because I figured the custodians would be working. They usually do deep cleaning during breaks. Sure enough, I yelled "hello?" and they yelled back.

I went to my classroom and took it all in. I stared for a while. All of the chairs and half of the desks were out of place, because they had been moved so that the carpet could be washed. I could tell the carpet was cleaner, and that they were finished. I started arranging everything back the way it was supposed to be, thankful that I hadn't waited to come back next Monday morning at eight AM to a disorganized room. That happened last year.

I was at school primarily to organize and clean, not to actually do any intellectual thinking about what I might teach the little munchkins next week. I had four things on my list to accomplish:
1) make name tags and place on desks according to the new seating chart
2) organize my storage closet
3) organize the math cupboard
4) take books back to the book room

It took me from 2:45 until 5:15 to do all of this. I thought the organizing of the closet and math cupboard would take a half hour, tops. Ha! You should have seen it. All sorts of weird things were crammed in there. I pulled everything out and just put back what I needed/wanted. Ugh. I had to leave at 5:15 so I could get to the gym on time, but I wasn't done yet. There's that feeling again. Never done. You are never done if you are a teacher. I left things in piles, things on tables, things sprawled out everywhere. It's not finished yet. And sure, I did the four things I really wanted to get done, but I still have 12 more things on my list. And they're all the hard stuff I was putting off. I left thinking I would go back in the morning tomorrow, but now I doubt that will happen, mostly because I feel like I need to take some Xanax to face it all.

Anxiety. That's the feeling you get. If you're a teacher, you know. You feel like you never have enough time, that your room is a mess, that there are all these great ideas you have, but you can never put them into place because you don't have enough time to make it happen. You work on it, little by little, but it never seems to be put all together.

I went to the gym to my weights class from 5:30 to 6:30, which was essentially pure torture. I hate the gym. I really do. But I go because I am paying for it and I know I need to go. It felt like I had worked all day long.

I don't want this to happen. I don't want work to start again. I don't want to wake up early and be at work at eight. Ugh.

I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. Will Joelle go to school and work? Or will she stay home, sleep in, read, and watch TV?