Dialogue that never happened but should have

I am probably not stable due to the markers I'm exposed to all day at work, but sometimes I write fake dialogue to myself, or for other people. Like I plan out how something could go if someone ever asked me a certain question, or how a scenario could play out if the other person would say what I wanted them to say. This is helpful in the craft of writing fiction, because I can always think of dialogue for my main characters.

Here are some examples of fairly ridiculous things:

"Hi. My name is ____and you left your card at (name of some restaurant) with my tip. I've been reading your blog and I want to meet you."

"Thanks for reading my blog and e-mailing me. Lucky for you, I make real life appearances all the time."

This would never happen because I don't have business cards for my blog and I don't leave them at restaurants with cute servers. And they wouldn't e-mail me anyway. But I definitely have a three page dialogue written based off of this prompt.

OR

When I leave the gym at night, but I've changed into something cute for some unknown reason, instead of wearing sweats home.

"Do you have a hot date tonight or something?"
"That depends. Did you ask me out and I didn't realize it?"

OR via Facebook message, after you've seen someone you used to have a crush on

"Hey, it was good to run into you the other day. Maybe we should accidentally-on-purpose plan a joint lunch at the park sometime."

This one would be good if you were the on-line dating type, which I'm not.

"I want to keep our first meeting public, for your safety. You wouldn't want me kidnapping you, after all."

Or maybe you've been e-mailing someone like Meg Ryan on You've Got Mail, but you've never seen them before and plan on meeting up.
"You don't need to send me a picture."
"Then how will you know who to look for?"
"Sometimes you just know. I'll know."

I totally have pages and pages of stupid scenarios written out, but people never say anything to me that requires a pre-written and thought out response. Which is why I never say anything clever when you are talking to me in real time, and why I have to stick to writing fiction, where I can be the puppet master and make people do and say and respond any way I want.

Or you know, maybe that's why I like writing Fake Interviews with Real Celebrities, because I can make them say funny things. So check back tomorrow for the ultimate artificial dialogue. Tomorrow I will post the interview I did(n't do) with Brett, who is a contestant on Survivor: Samoa.