The Roommate Adventures: Pageant Queen

         

        Pageant Place stars and Trump

    

           My life is just like a movie, I swear. Sometimes I wonder where MTV is hiding the cameras. You know Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock? The whole part where she’s an agent going undercover in the Miss America Pageant? Well, that’s not me. It’s my roommate Talia.

           Talia is competing in the local county pageant (which takes place on March 15^th) to become queen. Only she doesn’t actually want to be queen, because then she’d have queenly duties. Talia just needs some scholarship money, as does everyone who quits the agency and has to rely on their part-time job at Valsmetz instead of the government.

            It’s not like Talia or I are bitter. We’re glad to be done with the agency. We just wish we were getting our monthly checks and dental insurance, instead of filing for food stamps. 

            Elise and I are very supportive of Talia’s endeavors. Secretly, we think we might become semi-famous since we’re the roommates, like on Pageant Place—only I hope Donald Trump won’t be involved. Talia’s got a good chance of winning too, because she’s quite talented, being an ex-agent and everything. How many people do you know who can crack codes and disarm bombs and speak Mandarin? That’s what I thought.

            Elise and I thought everything was going fine for all of the big-haired beauty queens until one day when Talia came back from pageant rehearsal in a panic.

            “Jolie! JOLIE!”

            “I’m here, what’s going on?”

            “One of the girls dropped out of the pageant.”

            “Well that doesn’t sound so bad. Now you have a one in nine chance of winning,” Elise reasoned.

            “You don’t understand. She dropped out. Chrissy Cannon dropped out. She’s been doing pageants since she was a baby. We all thought she’d win the title this year.”

            “Did she say why she dropped out?” I asked.

            “No. She wasn’t at rehearsal, and one of the board members just told us that Chrissy has decided not to continue,” Talia explained.

            The three of us chatted about Chrissy for a while, but we ultimately convinced Talia not to worry too much, because like Elise said, her chances were improving.

                  

    Chrissy Cannon in a child pageant competition

The next Wednesday I was helping Talia solidify her wardrobe. She had to choose everything and submit it to the board the following Sunday. Solidifying a wardrobe is a ton of work. It’s not like choosing a disguise out of your costume box in three minutes so you can cruise off in your getaway car inconspicuously. Solidifying a wardrobe is so laborious that Elise and our friend Alicia had to help too.

Talia tried on wigs for her talent portion, evening gowns, swimsuits, shoes, hairpieces, interview suits, and more shoes. Choosing the right wig was the most difficult task. Alicia liked the hot pink one, I was a fan of the blond beehive, but Talia was most drawn to the red one.

            “Talia, tell me three reasons why you like the red one best,” Alicia quizzed.

            “I like red because it makes me feel vibrant, powerful, and alive,” she answered in perfect pageant interview voice.

            Thirty-two pairs of shoes and fourteen hours later, Talia had decided on her wardrobe. I’m not going to reveal all of it, because you will have to come to the pageant on March 15^th to see it.

            

                    Talia's hairpiece for formal wear

            The next Sunday I was eagerly awaiting Talia’s return from pageant rehearsal. I wanted to know what the board thought of her wardrobe. I secretly knew they wanted Talia to wear the beehive wig too.

            “Jolie? JOOOOLIE!”

            “What? I’m here.”

            “Terrible news.”

            “They hated your formal gown?” I asked.

            “No.”

            “They prefer the blond beehive wig?”

            “No.”

Disappointment flooded me. “Well, then what.”

            “Caitlynn Kritten dropped out of the pageant.”

            “Not another one! But this means your chances are now one out of eight!”

            Talia’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Is Elise home?”

            “No. She’s at the gym.” Elise hadn’t worked for the agency, and she didn’t know about the former lives that Talia and I had lived.

            “I think they’re after me.”

            “The agency?” Director Keller had assured us we wouldn’t be bothered.

            “No. Them. Agent Henkle and her associates.” That would be ridiculous. Agent Henkle died in episode one of the Roommate Adventures.

            “Why would the late Agent Henkle’s associates be after you? What could they have against you competing in a scholarship pageant and being a role model for girls everywhere?”

            “Jolie. I’m shocked. You, of all people, should’ve done your homework.” I didn’t know what she meant. Last I checked, my ED 851 class syllabus had no homework. “Do you know who Agent Henkle was colleagues with?”

            “No.”

            “Donald Trump.”

            “No way!”

            “Yes. And I am afraid Donald has learned that the demise of Agent Henkle was because of me. He wants revenge.”

            “Revenge?”

            “Yes. The Miss America Organization has been feuding with Donald Trump’s Miss USA Organization for years. And that’s not all,” Talia continued.

            “Noooo…” I said in shock.

            “Yes. Two years ago, Agent Henkle was a favorite to win Miss America.”

            “In Trump’s rival organization?”

            “Yes. She only did it to sabotage the other contestants so that the Miss USA Organization would gain a better image.”

            “You think Henkle’s associates are trying to sabotage you and the local pageant to get revenge and to further Donald Trump’s agenda?” I was starting to get worried.

            “Exactly. But they’re not going to succeed.”

            “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

            “Because I already have a plan up my expensive pageant gown sleeve for March 15^th.”

            “The day of the pageant?”

            “You better believe it.”

            What’s Talia going to do? I don’t know, because she didn’t tell me. I, for one, am going to be at that pageant supporting her in her quest to become queen and in her fight against Donald Trump. And you should, too. But I’m warning you, if what Talia believes is true, it could be dangerous. You don’t know Henkle’s associates like I do. Wear a disguise and have a getaway car ready. I’ll be the one in the blonde beehive wig and Jackie O sunglasses. 

                                     

Talia practicing her talent. She decided to go for a Sydney Bristow look from Alias.