The accumulation & loss of cool points

Maybe you remember reading "Nobody does detective work like I do," where I told you about how some major jerk backed into my car in the parking lot and fled the scene of the crime without leaving their contact info. So then I had to do extensive detective work, which I am quite proud of, though I had to stop my investigation due to lack of access to Walgreen's computer system and the refusal of Knife River Construction to hand over their employee roster.

I never caught the culprit, but my car is in the shop getting fixed. For 9 days. My insurance policy doesn't cover rental cars, so I sweet talked my sister into letting me drive her car. I normally drive a '98 Toyota Corolla, so I gained a lot of cool points driving this:

What I didn't realize is that this car has like, twelve blind spots. You literally see nothing but seat and black frame when you turn your head to look over your left shoulder to switch lanes. It's a miracle I didn't side-swipe anybody. When I drove this car, I parked as far away from other people as I could, because I knew backing up would be an issue. But I looked cool, right?

I was supposed to get my car back on my birthday last Friday and pay my $300 deductible to the shop. Happy Birthday to me, right? Well I called the body shop and they told me it wouldn't be ready until Tuesday. I informed my sister of the situation and she was getting upset since she was driving her husband's truck 40 miles to work everyday and it was being a gas hog. So what I did was call my mom to see if she could help me out somehow. She kindly suggested I drive my grandma's old station wagon, which my father recently acquired for $1000. Nobody was actually driving it, so it would work out great. So now I'm driving this:

I call it The Wagon, of course, and any cool points I racked up from driving the silver coupe disappeared when I sat behind the wheel of this thing. At first I was like "No problem, I've got loads of disguises I can wear while I'm driving it." Then I realized that all my disguises are still in the glove box of my car, which is still at the shop, along with both pairs of my sunglasses. Everybody should really keep a few disguises in their car, in case they need to elude creepers or mafia members. Or in case you're trying to get really close to Robert Pattinson when he visits Seattle, which I have personally never done. 

So now I'm driving The Wagon, which has like, zero blind spots because it's all windows, which means everybody can see who is driving it. It's like a fish aquarium on wheels. I'm trying to just embrace it. I drove it for the first time on Sunday afternoon. It was all dusty inside, and the lights on the dash don't work, so I never know if I'm putting it into drive or reverse because I can't see. Thanks a lot, daylight savings. Also, you should know that I heard rumors of a mouse nest in the radiator or something (but my dad cleaned it out).

But the really great part about driving this station wagon is that my grandma left her Swiss polka cassette tapes in there. So I'm currently listening to "Echoes From Helvetia," which is fine, because my dad's side of the family has a very strong Swiss heritage. In fact, Echoes From Helvetia was copyrighted in 1998 by the Grossen Family Band and The Helvetia Alphorn Trio, who are my dad's cousins. No wonder that yodeling sounded so familiar.

The actual alphorn trio. I found this image on Google, not the family photo album.

These people are fully my relatives. They're getting ready for the Swiss Parade.

 Another feature of this vehicle is the blue handicapped parking window hanger that came with it. If I'm ever in a pinch to park, I can display that. It doesn't even expire until 2016. 

There I am, feeling a bit goofy sitting behind the steering wheel, mostly because it is as large as the wooden wheel that a sea captain might stand behind. Plus, I could fit like, ten people in the station wagon if I tried. Probably more.

I was driving to school and I thought to myself "I wonder if this is what my boss feels like everyday," because he totally has a white station wagon. We're like twins right now. Except that I'm not over 40 or balding. But I'm wondering if he gets as big of a kick out of driving his station wagon as I do. He probably doesn't, because he's not listening to Volksmusikanter while he's driving.