I have dinner plans at the old folks home

It's 9:01am on Saturday and I'm sitting here catching up on the 346 blog posts I have in Google Reader, wondering when Mandy will wake up so that I can run the vacuum. For all I know, Mandy is awake and reading in bed and wouldn't mind if a little vroom vroom came down the hall. I haven't vacuumed for at least three weeks and it's really getting to me. Every time I feel the motivation to vacuum, someone is sleeping. Do you know what is visibly at my feet on the carpet right now? Four shriveled Cheerios and a dried up pea. Gross. I guess I shouldn't be eating at my desk.

Also, every time I feel like doing yard work, it rains. This is why I fail at being a domestic queen.

In other news, last week a second grade girl asked me why I was chewing gum at school if it wasn't allowed. I was totally busted. I wanted to support school rules even though it was after school hours, so I went and spit it out, even though it was a fresh piece.

You know what else I did last week while at an elementary school? Upchucked in the playground's garbage can. Nothing like barfing at work while you are supposed to be supervising 40 children. I didn't have the flu or anything, I was just going on day four of MyBodyHatesAllFoodExceptVegetables. My weird digestive issues continued for five days. One would think that not eating may cause you to lose a bunch of weight, but it really doesn't. It just makes you feel miserable. I think I am okay now, because I fully ate breakfast this morning and feel fine as of this current moment. I am supposed to eat dinner at an old folks' home this evening, so that may change.

I am attending the 94th birthday party of my best friend's grandpa. It's taking place at his retirement home. We're eating at like 4:30pm, which is fine with me, because, like old people, I'm always hungry at about that time. I am really excited to visit, because old people can be quite funny. Hopefully an entertaining blog post about the event will follow. I think retirement homes are really great places to hang out. Usually nobody is using the game room and there is cable television on huge screens. And they have fish aquariums in the lobby. This one time my sister and I went to hang out at a retirement home, but we couldn't get in because we were underage and the whole hiding behind a pot of flowers thing didn't really work. It's a really good story. You should read it.

Now I'm going to go watch some episodes of Tailspin on DVD. My mother got it for me for Valentine's Day. If you don't know what Tailspin is, I feel very sorry for you. My very first crush ever was on Kit Cloudkicker, the little bear on the show. He's was a total bad boy with his backwards hat, surfing around in the clouds and all. I wonder what he looks like now that he's grown up.