My Sue Sylvester Track Suit

When I was in middle school I thought I could fake athleticism. I thought I could wear Adidas stripes down the sides of my pants and look svelte. Like maybe I really could run a ten minute mile, but I did it all the time so why prove it to you now?

Oh good gracious.

I was at the gym last week when the woman in front of me made me grin. She was wearing navy blue athletic pants and a navy blue top. Both had white stripes down the pant legs and shirt sleeves. It immediately launched me back to age 13, when I was trying to fit in. All I did was look like a moron. But that's okay. It built character.

This picture of Sue Sylvester basically is an exact replica of the outfit I had in middle school. Only my jacket was an actual waterproof jacket with a hood. And it was more of a navy blue. No wonder I had no friends.

Let me tell you the extent of my athleticism:
*Off an on again from age 7 to age 12: gymnastics. Only I have a total crap knee cap that likes to dislocate itself quite frequently, so I was out of commission every three weeks or so.

*Age 13: B string softball team. Only I majorly blew out my knee at practice one time and missed most of the playing season, since I was on crutches. It was basically a favor for my teammates. I played outfield and I can't throw.

*Age 9 to age 17: horseback riding. If you count that as athleticism, which I really don't. But boy does riding bareback tone your inner thighs.

*Age 15: I went to tennis camp for two weeks and realized it was all in vain. I have weakling arms, bad aim, and poor hand-eye coordination.

*Age 18-2: I went to the on-campus college "gym" a few times. Like maybe six times per term.

*Age 23-present: I actually have a legit gym membership. I kick ass and take names while I'm there. I went four to five times a week for two years, but the past eight months I have been slacking down to only twice a week. But I am not going to get into the bitter story about that. Chances are, you already know it.

I am hoping to venture in to my childhood dream of learning martial arts this summer. My mother would never let me. But one of my co-workers is actually a tae-kwon-do instructor down town, and she said she'd be glad to have me as an adult student. Chances are I could blend in with the 12 and up crowd. They'd never know I'm twice their age. Just gotta talk about Justin Beiber and wear Silly Bandz. Oh, and not wear a track suit.