Backwards Christmas

I know, okay? You're all "Why is Joelle writing about Christmas? It's January. Fourth." I get that. I'm sorry. Though I'm pretty sure the Russians haven't celebrated yet, due to that whole Julian Calendar thing. See, today was the day I finally took my dried up Christmas tree down. It was a huge ordeal.

I left work early (meaning only an hour late) and didn't go to the gym. I came home and made myself a meal reminiscent of Christmas Day (and okay, Thanksgiving too). I cooked up stuffing and some mashed potatoes. And whatever if they were instant and the stuffing was Stove Top. I dirtied two pots making the food. That shows effort. While it was cooling down enough for me to eat it, I took all the ornaments off of my Christmas tree. Typically I wrap them up as I take them off, but tonight I decided to lay all my ornaments out on the floor to see just how many there were. I didn't count them, though. Sorry. I forgot because I was so hungry. After all the ornaments go the floor, I ate dinner. It was very scrumptious and I have leftovers for tomorrow's lunch.

After carefully wrapping up the ornaments in tissue paper, taking down stockings, putting away the nativity, and taking down the Beary Christmas calendar, I shoved everything into a clear plastic storage bin. I even managed to fit the Christmas lights in there. Then came the difficult part: the taking down of the tree.

See, my Christmas tree was a bit crooked so it was propped up with a stick all last month. I knew that as soon as I loosened the screws at the base, the whole thing would come toppling on my head. I very carefully loosened the tree and only managed to get about two handfuls of pine needles in my hair. Then I lifted the entire tree out of it's base and dragged it out the door. I'm pretty buff so I was able to do it all by myself, no sweat.

I was mostly expecting the catastrophic amount of pine needles the tree left in its wake. The entire front step to my house was covered in a carpet of brownish-green. To which I'm like "Cool. As long as it's outside." Then I examined the path that I took through the living room. I busted out my vacuum and started sucking those one inch pests up. Only have you ever seen a baby try to suck through a straw? They're not really good at it. That's what my vacuum is like. It doesn't suck. It spits.

Basically I have to go over the carpet about 80 million times before all the needles are gone. And okay, I lie. They're not really gone yet. There are still tons left. Where the base of the tree was there is literally three pounds of needles. Guess I should have watered more. I tried scooping some needles up with my hands, but I've still got to vacuum the area. As I'm vacuuming, I'm just thinking about how my vacuum is going to smell like Pine Sol for the rest of its life, even after I clean it. I'll be vacuuming in June and it will smell like Christmas. Also, I'm thinking that if I vacuum twice a week for about fourteen weeks, all the pine needles will be gone by about mid-February.

It's probably a good thing I'm not a wife, due to my lack of effort in vacuuming. But let me just say that if I were a wife, I would have fully registered for a really nice vacuum, so I wouldn't have this problem.

Now my living room is really bare and sad looking, so I'll have to spend time decorating it with something. But you know what I just remembered I have to do? I need to put up my new Hot Men of Hawaii calendar. My last calendar was of cupcakes, but my sister got me a 2011 calendar when she was in Hawaii. She asked me what I wanted and I said a hot guy. So she brought me back twelve of them. I hang my calendar up right next to my desk, which is in the living room. I'm hoping it doesn't make my roommate feel uncomfortable. The guys are fully wearing shorts. Just you know, no shirt. And there's a bit of glistening water on their chests. But happy January, right?