restaurant slip 'n slide

Ever spent so much time on something that you commit yourself to see it through, even if you realize partway in that you could bow out and try something else? That was me last Friday night. I committed myself to 90 more minutes at an attempt to get a good meal, rather than spend the ten minutes it would have taken to drive back to my house and pick up Taco Bell on the way.

You may have been missing Friday Night Dinner blog posts, as there were none during the summer. I missed them to. Thankfully, Friday Night Dinner, or FND, made it's fall debut on the 14th. This time I traded out cousins and exchanged Jason and Heidi for Kristi and her friend Sallie. Kristi and Sallie were crashing at my house for the night because of a speech language pathologist conference at the convention center. That's what people do when they get out of college. They don't sleep on your couch because a massive party has just occurred and they are too drunk to go home, they stay on your couch because they've got to wake up at 6:15 to get to an educational conference.

Jess, Travis, Kristi, Sallie and I settled on Willamette Burger Company, though IHOP was in discussion because of our french toast love. Getting to the WBC restaurant was not quick. When we first gathered to depart for dinner, I suggested Red Robin because 1) I was starving , 2) It was five minutes away, and 3) Jess insisted on having a burger and I refused to go to Rockin' Rodgers.

When we got to the restaurant, we saw that the lights were off, indicating that no scrumptious food was hot and ready inside. A sign instructed us that Willamette Burger Company had moved. I was driving, and my passengers thought about other places to go, but since we had already driven down town, I figured we might as well go the extra mile, literally.

Searching for the new location proved a bit tricky, but I eventually spotted the glowing sign through the dark city smog and pouring rain. Actually, that is kind of false. Salem doesn't have smog, I don't think. But "dark city smog" sounded right.

When we got inside the building, it was apparent that it had lived a previous life as a Mexican restaurant. The stucco style walls and open arcs screamed Los Dos Amigos and were nothing like the tattered old walls of the former WBC, where crayoned masterpieces used to be pinned to the walls. This was a bit saddening, as I wanted Kristi to get the full WBC effect, but not having to sit on your neighbor's lap to eat your meal was a plus. The place could now seat more than twelve total customers.

The Willamette Burger Company is delicious, but they are in no way fast. You should probably plan on bringing something to do while you wait 20 minutes to be seated, 10 minutes for your order to be taken, and 30 minutes to wait for your food. Once you get to the table, you can probably entertain yourself with the crayons and brown butcher paper that covers the table.

The five of us started drawing immediately, since we had spent our 20 minute seating wait looking at the menu and choosing our meals. I began drawing my rabbit, Roo, Travis sketched out a dirt bike, and while our server came by to take our drink order, Kristi looked at the table and said "I think I just drew Harry Potter."

Sure enough, what had started out as a head, ears, and glasses had morphed into the famous young wizard. Kristi added a lightning bolt for authenticity.

 We ordered our food right then, and I asked for the veggie burger, as it had been recommended to me by the man who thinks he knows me but doesn't really, who I mentioned in one of my summer posts. Tots were ordered as well, because they are like nothing you have ever seen or tasted. In fact, it took quite a while for us to see them, and even longer for us to taste them, on account of the delay that occurred.

We were sitting near the kitchen, which taunted us with tantalizing smells. Not only could we smell everything, but we could hear everything. For example, the giant crash, the sound of ice and slush hitting the floor, the lament of a young man who had just gotten covered with soda. Meanwhile, we were all staring at the crayon drawings of food we had sketched, wishing we had something to eat.

The five of us listened intently to the kitchen noises, hoping for a quick recovery. A woman emerged, carrying a tray of drinks. I watched as she fell in slow motion. First she slipped on the wetness that had leaked out of the kitchen, then one knee tucked in behind her. She came down to a squat, still holding the drinks safely. But then she lost her balance and fell backward, pouring the drinks all over herself and the floor. Clean up time, round two.

We began discussing at our table how many times the servers might slip and fall before actually bringing us food. I heard a voice in the kitchen say "I just want to get this Sprite to table nine." Me too, friend, me too.

My sister encouraged the lady who had fallen in front of us to fake a back injury for workman's comp. She had a good sense of humor for someone who had just spilled diet soda down her front, and played along, groaning as her supervisor came back to check on things.

During all of the confusion, we managed to get our huge, fluffy, potato tots delivered to our table, sans the sauce. Thus, we could not eat them. Asking a women who has just slipped in water and spilled over 64 ounces of drink on the floor for a dish of tater tot sauce seemed a bit inconsequential, so we kept our mouths shut for a while.

Then those tots started to make eyes at us, so we covered the basket with a napkin to keep them warm, much like you might do with a baby. Only you probably never dip your baby in aioli sauce and devour them in two bites. Though you might, if your infant smelled like potatoes and not baby powder.

During our wait for aioli sauce, I'd like to tell you more about Sallie. She and my cousin Kristi work at OHSU doing speech rehab type stuff, mostly with kids. Sallie is from North Carolina and says "Ya'll" quite often, which is endearing.

I asked Sallie if she had ever been in a pageant, or went to high school with a bunch of girls who did, because everything I know about the south I learned from watching MTV's True Life: I'm a Pageant Queen. True to stereo-type, Sallie was blonde, though she looked much more intelligent than anyone I had seen on MTV. This is probably because she is a speech therapist and works at a hospital. Plus, here hair wasn't big like Dolly Parton's.

Sallie debunked my belief that everyone in the south does pageants, but I did learn that Sallie was in a debutante ball. "Like Amanda Bynes in She's The Man*," as Kristi referenced. Only apparently that movie was all wrong, because your coming out party is always after your freshman year of college, and Amanda Bynes had hers while she was in high school.

"So, you don't like, have your ball when you turn 15 or anything?"
"Right," Sallie confirmed. "It's not like a Quinceañera."
Which remind me of a conversation I had (with Sallie and Kristi I think) about how in Europe or some foreign place, they make turning 21 a really big deal and give you tons of presents like you're getting married. Because turning 21 means you're an adult, and hello, you need your own steak knives. I totally needed this when I was 21. Because I have fully had to purchase my own knives, shower curtains, and bedsheets.

Oh look, the aioli sauce has not yet arrived, but I am going to eat a tater tot anyway.**

Sometime during our wait, Sallie goes outside to stand in the rain and talk to her boyfriend who lives in North Carolina, then Kristi gets on the phone to talk to Peter who is in Afghanistan, and then I get up to call Roo who is at home in his hutch to see if he wants baby carrots or grated carrots for lunch tomorrow.

Twelve conversations later, our delicious food arrives. And no one else has slipped on the floor.

Kristi finally gets to eat.

 Nothing very interesting happened after that, because we were all too busy feeding our faces. Though Travis did forget his credit card, and the waitress came running out the back after us to return it to him.

According to this weeks schedule, it appears that a Friday Night Dinner may happen, if the rest of the family is available. Heidi was very sad that she missed FND and wants to be featured again with her own label. Where do ya'll think we should eat at next?


*I recommend watching She's The Man, regardless of your gender or age. This movie is freaking hilarious. It's a modern day twist on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. But maybe I just like watching Channing Tatum with his shirt off.

**I am fully aware that I switched from past tense to present tense, which is inconsistent, but whatever. I do what I want. I'm sure a book publisher would make me change it. But I don't have a book publisher yet, so the rebellion continues.