Fraudulent Charges

I really think that sometimes I live in an alternate reality. I'll want something to be true so much that I start to believe it is, and then I get a healthy dose of reality and a big slap in the face when I realize what I've been imagining really is fake. As fake as a set of French-tipped acrylic nails.

Ask me, "Joelle, what do you do when you realize your imagined reality is actually a fraud?" This is what I do: design plans and instigate strategies to make it real. It's like cramming a corner piece of a puzzle into the middle section. It obviously belongs somewhere else, but who says it can't fit with a little sawing off of the edges? I'll make it work.

My mind marinates on something, like chicken sitting in barbecue sauce, and all my thoughts become absorbed in this one thing. But it's not real! What I thought was something is actually nothing, but I don't realize this until much later. And then I just feel hurt. Also, stupid.

I've been looking at things through an ersatz window.