What do I think of you?

In a very judgmental fashion, let me tell you about some people I noticed the other day. This is why I have no friends. I'm too mean on the inside.

Person #1
Male. About 50. Grey hair. At the gym. Wearing lycra shorts. Very short shorts. Too short and too tight for any man, regardless of age or physique. I really don't want to see that. And the thing is, he wears them every week. Eeew, gross. There should be some sort of gym rule that says men cannot wear short short super tight shorts. I don't want to see that. I don't want to see your hairy thighs or anything else. Lock that up. Put on some pants, for god's sake.

Person #2
Female. Approximately 35. Typically has short auburn hair. Came to the gym with cornrows. I was surprised because the braids were almost hitting her shoulders, which is a lot longer than normal. Then I was like "they're really tight braids. Probably stretches the hair out." But no. After a more thorough inspection I discovered parts of it were extensions. Reddish-brown extensions. Like four inches. Excuse me, but if you are a white woman, you should never ever get cornrows, especially not fake ones. Cornrows are not attractive on white scalps. It does nothing for you. Take those out right now. Go plant a different vegetable.

Person #3
Male. About 42. Odd, but totally appreciated his actions. We are standing in line at a store for years, long enough for him to grow a beard, when I notice that he is munching on some candy out of a yellow packet. I glance at the candy and gum display and notice that peanut M&Ms are in the same yellow bag. We keep standing in line, he finishes his candy. Then he finally gets to pay for his item. He puts it on the counter, along with his empty candy wrapper for the cashier to scan. I almost love it. I mean, there we are, wasting away an eternity, so he decides to have a snack. I know people do this, I know they buy cokes in bottles and start drinking it before they get to the register. I could never do this though. It's not really yours until you pay for it. But in all my annoyance of waiting, I really get a kick out of this guy. The cashier has an English accent so I really don't know what she thinks of it. Probably that Americans are really rude and impatient. Which is sort of true.

Again, this is why I have no friends. I think mean thoughts and publish them on the internet later.