Oh crap, I don't want to answer, it's probably a job offer. That's what I thought the day after my interview. So I didn't answer the phone; I let it go to voice mail. And then today when a 399 number came in, I knew it was the school district. So I didn't answer. I knew why they were calling: an interview.
I've got a fear; it's apparent now. If you had asked me when I applied to those jobs "Joelle, will you ignore the calls for interviews when they come?" I would've said no. But now we know something about my heart. It's terrified.
I hate making big decisions. I'm a person who commits long term, so I take things seriously. Even though I have been offered zero jobs so far, I'm freaking out. I want to choose the right thing. I hate choices.
I used to have a five year plan. Now I barely have five week plans. But I have Things I'm Meant To Do. Which is why I get all twisted up inside when I think about how other life choices may hinder the Things I'm Meant To Do. What I'd really like is a 20 page document from God detailing the specifics for the next few years. I hate being unsure. This isn't like buying shoes from Target. You can't return them if you decide you don't want them.
Saying Yes is a big deal. I only want to say Yes to what God is asking of me, and that's why I hate that he let's us decide. I feel like I'm being really vague. Or just plain weird. Basically, if you are the praying kind, pray for me. For clarity.
Monday, August 27, 2012
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I'm telling you girl, you are just opening all the doors so He can close them. Like the day I said yes to my teaching job and then two hours later found out I had been accepted to grad school. Though it was undeniably the hardest year of my life, I learned SO MUCH and was in a far greater position to begin my social work schooling the following year. You are seeking His heart and He will not let you stumble.
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