Totally Inappropriate

I can’t really believe that I am sharing this with you, but whatever. Think of all of the people you’ve ever had inappropriate thoughts about. I’ll give you some time to think about it, but not long enough to imaginably make out with them.

Got it? Good. For some bizarro reason, I was thinking about this when I was at school yesterday in the book room, picking out readers for my kiddos. Don’t ask me what sparked my mind to think about this. It certainly wasn’t Beezus and Ramona.

So here is my partial list: James Franco from Tristan and Isolde, Jack from LOST even though he is kind of old, Michael Vartan of course, that hot construction worker doing work on Capitol Street right now, that one guy from that one ED class who looked like Jack from LOST, only a lot younger, and maybe a few others that I’m not listing.

Stay with me here, we are not dwelling on what your imagination has conjured. I know you were starting to think about that hot guy/girl at school/work/bar/airport/laundrymat/ restaurant.

Here is the part that will freak you out. Think of all the people you never want thinking inappropriate thoughts about YOU. That creeper in the library. The old guy at Les Schwab helping you buy tires. Someone you work with. Go through your mental list. Now, you don’t know what they were thinking, or when they were thinking it, but aren’t you pretty sure that at least one of those people has thought something about you? And now you’re grossed out by it? Wish you never read this disturbing blog? I know, I should’ve warned you.

I was going through my mental list when I left the book room and started walking down the hallway. Suddenly my deeply private intrusive thoughts come to an abrupt halt, because the bathroom door swings open and someone comes out. The person says hi to me, and I talk back, but the whole time I cannot help but wonder, what about this person? I swear, it’s like this person knew what I was thinking about. Their timing coming out of the bathroom just as I was walking down the hall deep in thought is uncanny.

So the next time your mind starts to drift, remember all the people you wish would never think about you, and stop. Besides, he never has as many ab muscles in real life as you imagined.

P.S. My NaNoWriMo word count got updated to 11,133 but I am fairly certain that the blue bar shrunk backwards, instead of moving toward the 50k word mark. I almost posted an excerpt from my novel, but I fear judgement too much, and after this blog, who knows what you are thinking.

P.P.S I am going to be very old tomorrow.