Dull Party? Add Gasoline and Cocaine!

Only the best party games make you wonder 1) will I live? and 2) is this legal?

Party #1
Halloween night. Kaitlynn's house. We decide to play hide and go seek. Kaitlynn and Aaron had a fog machine, strobe light, and utterly eerie soundtrack. After setting up for a creepy atmosphere, we disperse into the darkness to find hiding spots. BTW, I removed my Juno belly prior to this so that I could fit into smaller spaces.

Kaitlynn tells me to follow her into the garage. We scramble to hide before the seeker comes. Kaitlynn decides to hide in the back of her car, and I think about stowing away in the back of Aaron's Jetta. Then I get an ingenious idea. I'll hide in the trunk! No one will find me there! So I pop the trunk lid and get inside. Kaitlynn tucks inside her car.

I'm in the trunk, but it's not closed all the way so the trunk light is still on. I don't want the light to give me away, so I make a hasty decision. I pull the trunk lid down. All the way. It slams. Instantly my nostrils fill with the smell of gasoline and I regret my actions. I think: I will never be able to get out. Someone must find me in order for me to get out of this trunk. They will never find me because I've just hidden in the best spot of all time. All these noxious fumes are going to go to my head. I'll pass out before anyone finds me. I bring up the front of my sweatshirt and cover my nose with it. I feel around the inside of the trunk, hoping for a light. Nothing. I hold my hand five inches from my face and look at, hoping I will be able to make out its outline. I can't see anything. I am panicked, but decide I must relax. I lay down my head for a nap.

Two minutes later I start to count, eyes closed. I count slowly, ticking off the minutes on my fingers. I get to ten and figure it's been awhile. This is hide and go seek, but more than anything I want to be found. If any one opens this trunk I will be curled up, smiling at them. Seek me. How long does it take to find a house full of people? Should I yell now? I remind myself that at least Kaitlynn knows where I am. I won't die. Unless the fumes get to me. I think about the headlines in tomorrow's papers. "College age student hides in trunk at Halloween party and perishes." I need to take a more proactive approach. I open my eyes even though I can't see anything. I think, maybe I'm like a cat and my night vision will adjust.

I think I start to imagine things, because it seems like something is glowing faintly from the inside of the trunk. The gas fumes must be affecting me. I reach out and touch the spot that I see. Wouldn't you know, it actually is something! I feel out a handle. A handle, people! There is a handle on the inside of this trunk. I don't turn it, I don't have to. I know what it must be for. I rub my fingers on it, can't let go of it--like a dying Catholic clutching the rosary. It will save me. Relief washes over me. I can get out whenever I want.

I hear laughing. The seeker must have found everybody. Everybody but me. I hear Kaitlynn call "Joelle, you can come out now!" I turn the handle instantly and jump out of the trunk. I suck in some fresh air. I have lived.

Party #2
Saturday afternoon. My sister's second bridal shower, this one hosted by her fiance's side of the family. We have already played a word jumble that was quite taxing to my brain. The hosting aunt hands out paper and pens and instructs us to write "Name the white powder" at the top of the paper. She shows us twelve zip lock baggies filled with various white substances. I know right? You're thinking is this legal? Are we going to get raided? Will I lose my job?

I number my paper. They pass me baggy number six. We are allowed to touch and smell the substance, but we cannot taste it. I open the bag up. It smells weird. It's more yellow than white. I write down "Parmesan cheese" as my guess. The next bag I receive looks like baking soda. I open all of the bags, and touch and smell all of the powders. Most of them smell like plastic bag. It's hard to tell. I figure, if there's anthrax I'm dead, but if there's cocaine, I'll know, because all I have to do is snort a little and see how I feel afterwards. I start to wonder if my sister should've done a criminal background check on all the members of the family she's marrying into.

The woman next to me cheats and tastes one of the powders. I tell her, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. One of these might be borax or some sort of cleaning detergent."

When I'm done inspecting all of the substances, my paper looks like this:

Name the White Powder
1) baking soda
2) sugar
3) parmesan cheese
4) powdered sugar
5) salt
6) cocaine
7) baking powder
8) salt
9) flour
10) baking soda
11) powdered sugar
12) flour

Yes, I realize I listed several things twice. I figure I'll get at least one of them right. In the end, #1 is Splenda, #3 is not parmesan cheese but powdered milk, #4 is cornstarch, #5 is alum, and #12 is Bisquick mix. Number six is not cocaine (I only wrote that because I had no idea), but is something called "fruit fresh," which I have never heard of. The other ones I got right. But still, it makes you wonder if there is a #13 bag hiding out in Aunt Jan's car.