Hunger Games Opinions

I just finished reading the Hunger Games because I succumbed to peer pressure. Everybody has been talking about it, everybody has been reading it, and everybody can't wait to see the movie. Here are some of my thoughts on the book. Be warned, it contains revealing details, so if you haven't read it yet and don't want me to ruin anything for you, then go just X out of this right now.

I didn't read this book with the intention of being critical; it just sort of happened. I am a reader and I think that even a futuristic novel needs to be believable. I'm not just going to accept everything the author writes and pretend like none of it was stupid.

Before I spout my opinions, I will commend the author on some points.
1) The Hunger Games warrants being published and read, unlike some books I've had the misfortune of meeting. I don't think back on the six hours of my life and think "Man, that was a waste of time." It wasn't a crap book.

2) Unrequited love always makes for a good story line. So go Suzanne Collins for creating Peeta's character.

3) The Hunger Games is basically a personal account of a reality TV star's experience in a horrific version of Survivor. Kudos to Collins for thinking this up. America is obsessed with reality TV, and the narrative of a young girl who does not want to be on the show is gripping.

Now on to the problems I had with the book:

Tracker jackers, really? That's the name you are going to give those deadly, determined wasps? When I read tracker jacker, my mind immediately changes it to Cracker Jacker, which leads to Cracker Jacks. So while I am supposed to be really afraid of these terrifying wasps, what I'm really doing is thinking about eating Cracker Jacks and shaking the box upside down looking for the prize. Couldn't they just have been called tracker wasps?

Those character names. Not a single one of them was normal, except for Gale, who at first I thought was a female, because Gail is a girl name. I could actually handle Prim, because Primrose was the name of the main character in a Jerry Spinelli book. But Effie? Couldn't they have just named her Steffie? Because--I'll be honest--when I read Effie, I immediately thought "Oh Eff." As in a shortened, more acceptable use of a curse word. And Haymitch? At least the author was consistent, I'll give her that. She didn't have Linda and Sue running around with Cinna and Octavia (which just makes me think of Greek tragedies).

I understand that the book is supposed to be futuristic, and the many years between 2012 and whenever this takes place could leave a lot of room for popular names to change, but you know what names were used about 2,000 years ago? John. Luke. Jacob. Matthew. And look where we are now, still using them. So I am sorry if I have a really hard time with the masculine name of Gale, but I do.

That whole sponsor thing, with the tiny parachutes. Really? It seems totally unfair that some people can get delivered presents and others can't. But I guess the whole premise of the Hunger Games isn't fair. I have a hard time believing that there are hovercrafts around, just ready to drop down loaves of bread and pots of broth.

How many times have I read a book where there is a sleeping bag scene? You know, there is only ONE sleeping bag and a guy and a girl has to share it in order to survive the cold? It starts out a little awkward at first. "Should I or shouldn't I?" the character thinks. But then the two end up in the same bag keeping each other warm with their body heat, and they kind of like it and feel safe. This concept is way over done. You know how many times I have been out in the elements with just one sleeping bag and needed to share it with an attractive young man? Exactly zero times. And I've been camping a lot.

The whole "here, let me wash your wounds" scene. Happens ALL THE FREAKING TIME. In like, every movie that features a guy and girl in some sort of survival/battle setting. The two instances that come specifically to mind are when Kate had to sew up Jack on the first episode of Lost, and when Isolde had to nurse Tristan back to health in that little underground cave. Taking care of men, of course, requires that they take their shirts off. Usually there is a little blushing in these scenes. If the girl character gets lucky, she gets injured somehow and then the guy has to take care of her, and it's then that she realizes how tender and loving the man is, and how she just can't live without him.

Another part that was rather unbelievable to me was the grand entrance/interviews that the tributes had to do in the beginning. CBS's Survivor never starts off by showing the players enter in really fancy dresses and suits (they leave that up to ABC's The Bachelor, which I guess is just a more glamorous version of Survivor). The players don't go on some stage for a preliminary interview so that people can have more information in order to place bets. In my opinion, if people are going to some televised games to die, getting all dressed up and fancy seems out of place. This isn't a pageant, it's death.

The book started getting good when Katniss set out to find Peeta (because you know, after that is when the sleeping bag scene and the let-me-wash-your-wounds scene happened). But maybe I was just getting bored by lack of dialogue. I feel like dialogue really drives a book, and if there is no one for the main character to talk to, it gets boring. Because then all she's doing is eating groosling legs and hiding in trees. So I was really glad when Katniss teamed up with Peeta, but then some stupid stuff came with it. Like how Katniss "just knew" revving up the romance with Peeta is what Haymitch wanted. That whole angle was dumb. It seemed like a very forced way to foster a romantic relationship between characters, and to cause Katniss to question her feelings for both Gale and Peeta. I think the romantic relationship could have been developed just as well with having Peeta pull all the moves. Then, you know, when Katniss saves his life she realizes how much she cares about him. But of course if there hadn't been "an act" put on by Katniss, the ending wouldn't have been so heart wrenching for Peeta, who really does love her.

And oh my goodness those muttations at the end. First off, dumb name. You can call them mutations, or you can call them mutts, but Suzanne Collins, please don't name them muttations. It's almost as bad as tracker jackers. I wish she would have left those ridiculous creatures out of the ending. Really? It's the dead tributes come back in another bodily form to get revenge? And they have the human's eyes? They can stand up on their hind legs and wave to each other? The author should have just included a pack of rabid wolves. They would have done the job just as well, without me thinking it was moronic.

So yes, I am full of criticisms. Did I spend a considerable amount on my couch yesterday thinking "I must finish this book TONIGHT"? Yes. Am I going to go see the movie? Yes. Was this novel better than Twilight? Yes. Would I give it an award? No.

Dick and Jane and Vampires

I was at the library picking out some first grade level books for Azarious, the 17 year old boy I tutor. If you don't know Azarious' background story, read that here.

The problem with having a teenage boy read children's books is that he's not very interested in them. We read things like Splat the Cat and Fox in Sox. So when I found Dick and Jane and Vampires, I really thought I had hit the jackpot. Sure, it wasn't Twilight, but Azarious probably isn't in to that whole Bella-is-obsessed-with-a-man-with-no-pulse thing. Nevertheless, I couldn't resist grabbing the book from the shelf.

I opened the book and looked at a few pages. My first thought was "Oh #$%!  *$@&; and @#$%^# they let children read this?" You'll see what I mean. I wanted to scan all of the pages to show you, but I'm pretty sure I'd be breaking copyright laws if I did that.

This guy wants to suck your blood.

Hey Jane, there's a vampire head in the bushes. But it's no big deal, I've seen worse.

There's a bat and it's going to bite you on the neck and infect you and steal all of your toys!

 

Children think monsters live under their beds because we enforce the belief through literacy.

It is important to teach little girls that we won't believe them when they tell us they saw something creepy. Instead of acknowledging them and believing they are telling the truth, tell them they are a slob instead.

Holy &*@! Let's just terrify children while they learn to read.

It Sucked and Then I Cried

I am currently reading the book It Sucked and Then I Cried, by Heather Armstrong. Heather is an ex-Mormon who has acquired a coffee addiction and liquor love since graduating from Brigham Young University. This disappoints her family, as you may imagine.

Heather's story is about how she went through hell during the pregnancy and baby raising of her first child, Leta. This sounds a bit depressing, and it is at points, because Heather has chronic depression and had to go off her meds for the pregnancy and first few months after giving birth, but somehow, Heather's ability to over exagerrate and imaginate makes for a funny story. Maybe I'm only laughing because I don't have a child and I am not pregnant.

I thought about getting this book for my friend Leslie, who is going to have her first baby this October, but then decided against it. Leslie's sense of humor cracks me up, and it seems like this is the sort of book she might like to read, because in fact it sort of sounds like the kind of story Leslie might write, but because of her fragile pregnant state, I kind of didn't want to risk it. I don't want her to start bawling her eyes out everyday and begin hiding in closets, because her husband Kaleb may begin to hate me. Leslie, if you are already crying and hiding in closets, then I am here for you. Just call me up. I've got a completely empty closet in my spare bedroom, and I can stock it with Kleenex, stat. Anyway, when Leslie's child is two years old, maybe I will then giver her a copy of  It Sucked and Then I Cried.

Heather and her 2nd baby, Marlo. I'm assuming she found the joy in motherhood considering she birthed another one.

I have not yet finished reading the book, but I can't put it down either. I estimate to be done with it in two days, tops. 

If you are the non-committal type and don't want to check something out from the library until you know more about it, you can discover Heather's personality through her website, Dooce.com.

Has anyone else read this book? 

when someone who sorts souls in the Underworld falls in love with you

I love author Meg Cabot because she is a complete genius and knows how to suck female readers of all ages into her stories. I even like her weird, supernatural type books (I'm thinking Avalon High and Insatiable). The most recent book of hers I read was Abandon, which is about this girl who dies for a minute and then comes back to life. Only the whole book is based around the Greek mythology of Persephone and Hades.

 Basically, when the main character, Pierce, dies and goes to the Underworld, this hot but moody guy gives her a diamond necklace and wants to keep her there, but Pierce gets freaked out and tries to leave him, and then the epinephrine kicks in and she is resuscitated by the doctors just in time. She wakes up from being dead, relieved. Only John (the hot guy who works in the Underworld) has the ability to appear to Pierce in real life, and it really freaks her out because he keeps showing up randomly. I don't want to give the whole story away, but I realize it's rather weird. I only read it because Meg Cabot wrote it.

So even though the subject matter wasn't a specific interest of mine, I still read the book in only two days. Meg Cabot isn't trying to be a weird-o, she's just imagining what Greek mythology might be like in our modern day. And oh, this is teen literature. Which is always a lot juicier than adult fiction, in my opinion. I can totally relate to teen stories. I cannot relate to 35 year old protagonists who have three kids and a husband who is leaving them. I think my heart is still like a teenage girls', so I am very drawn to YA fiction.

I'm really excited to start my summer reading on Friday, June 17th. I've got like, 58 books on my list.

Talking Smack

I stumbled across this blog called Chelsea Talks Smack. I am incredibly fascinated by her crazy life. What I appreciate about this girl is that she is bold and honest and tells it like it is. 

I don't agree with everything she says or the manner in which she chooses to say it, but she does have gems tucked in with the sharp, jagged rocks. Chelsea does not blog often, but my favorite thing that she has written so far is this:

Assemble a "tribe," every person in it should have their special skills; the friend who opens your eyes, the one who will say "yes," without asking why, the one who has wit that keeps you on your toes, the one who will nurture, the one who will teach, inspire, or defend- a "tribe" has to be DYNAMIC otherwise you'll never survive a winter, a war, a birth, a restoration, or a victory together. REFUSE TO BE ONE DIMENSIONAL.

 I'm gonna warn you about this girl. She talks smack. She uses the f bomb quite frequently. You could very well be offended by reading any of her posts. There's something about them though, that makes you want to read more. It's like hiding under the covers at night and reading with a flashlight while your heart is beating out of your chest because you think your mom's going to catch you.

Here are some fascinating and possible offensive links:


We are going to starve. Or live of off M&Ms.

Remember that time you got arrested?

Love and all the crusty pieces.

3 People to Read

There are three blogs that I read that have caused me to change my perspective on some things. These writers echo truth and hope and scream love. These people are incredibly talented and craft beautiful sentences. I know none of them in real life, but I feel like I know their hearts because they are so transparent with their truths.

Check it out.

As Simple As That by Hannah Katy

Some of my favorite posts:
*Dear Mr. Kringle, there is a young woman out there who needs a 34th Street
*Not Every Story is a Love Story
*Killing Marsha Brady
*Will it be enough if we sign it with love?
*Dear Priscilla, you can have your story back.

Lauren Nicole Love

Some of my favorite posts: 
*Pain
*Thoughts on Love

Make it MAD by Max Andrew Dubinsky. I have to give major props to this guy, because I only read like three blogs written by males, and he's one of them.
Some of my favorite posts: 
*Christians are Partying Harder and Having Better Sex Than You
*A Gentleman's Guide to the 21st Century
*Defenseless In The Very Ocean Your God Created

The Book Thief

Right now I'm reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. I've had it checked out for a while, and I must finish reading it by December 22nd if I don't want to add to my library fines. It's one of those books you have to read slowly because there are so many good sentences on each page to savor. What else can I tell you about it? Well, it was a 2007 Michael Printz honor book, it's narrated by death, and it's set in Nazi Germany. My favorite quote so far is this:

The book thief was without words. 

Trust me though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Liesel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like the rain.

Twenties Girl

The thing about lying to your parents is, you have to do it to protect them. It's for their own good. I mean, take my own parents. If they knew the unvarnished truth about my finances/love life/plumbing/council tax, they'd have instant heart attacks and the doctor would say, "Did anyone give them a terrible shock?" and it would all be my fault. 

That was the opening of the book I'm reading. 

It's a Sophie Kinsella book called Twenties Girl. I got it for $3.99 at Goodwill, which turned out to be an excellent deal. There are 435 pages, which means it's less than a penny per page.You should probably read it when you get a chance, but it falls under the genre known as Chic Lit, so if you're a guy, you should probably read it under the covers with a flashlight when your girlfriend's not looking.

It's actually a ghost story. Lara's great-aunt dies and her spirit comes back to haunt her, only it's not so much a haunting as they become good friends (or at least so far, I haven't finished it yet, I'm on page 275). But the aunt comes back in her youth, a spunky woman from the roaring 1920s. And Lara basically thinks she's going insane for seeing a ghost that no one else can see. And there's a missing necklace, a rich uncle, an ex-boyfriend, and a handsome American business man who frowns a lot.

In case you didn't know, all of Sophie Kinsella's books are British because she is British, so when a frowning American man enters the picture, we should all probably take offense, because what is Kinsella implying about our men? Maybe that they are a bunch of unhappy assholes, but you didn't hear it from me, that was the UK impression. I know that American men smile all the time and are quite pleasant.

Essentially, you should read this book. I'm curious to see how it ends.

How did you get this number

I'm just about finished reading How Did You Get This Number by Sloane Crosley, author of the hilarious I Was Told There'd Be Cake. Her new book came out in June and I immediately put a request on it through the library. I still have it right now but will likely return it by Saturday, which means then you can check it out. Provided you have a library card. And you know, live in a nearby zip code.

 This book doesn't actually address bears that much

How Did You Get This Number  features hilariously witty short stories, but they're called "essays" to make them sound more grown-up. I'm not going to try to give a summary to you, but this book is friendly to both male and female readers. None of that undead love crap.

Speaking of vampires, has anyone seen Huge? It stars Nikki Blonksy on ABC Family, but if you don't have cable or even basic TV, you can cheat and watch it on Hulu. Totally thought the part where the campers watched Phantasma was super clever. What an excellent parody. Anybody know what I'm talking about? You have to have seen both Twilight and episode 5 of Huge, "Movie Night." Somebody out there is laughing their pants off about this as much as me. They just don't read this blog.

Off topic but relevant since this happens tomorrow: I finally go to the doctor to see if my off-the-deep end low blood pressure is caused by an infection spread by French scientists and is going to turn me crazy or into a smoke monster hypothyroidism. 

Unless of course I show up and they aren't prepared for me because they thought my name was Joel and I was a man, and they are working behind schedule so they don't have time for me, but could I please reschedule for two weeks from now, even though I made this appointment three weeks ago? Oh wait, that only happens at over-priced salons.

Meg Cabot Interview

Make sure you read the "Insatiable" post first. It's below this one.

As much as I would love to contact Meg personally, this is a lot faster. Here are the good parts of an interview she did with Oxford University Press Blog. To read the whole thing, click here.

OUP: If you were bitten tomorrow, and had to choose a vampire name, what would it be?
MC: Well, obviously, Meg Cadaver.
OUP: If someone attacked “Meg Cadaver” with a stake, and you only had Dracula to block the blow, would it work?
MC: Absolutely.  My super vampire strength, combined with the amazing power of Bram Stoker’s prose, would easily defeat their piddling human arm and wooden stake that was probably made by Ikea.
OUP: If Dracula had a Twitter handle, what would it be?
MC: The possibilities are so endless . . .
Longinthetooth
Vampyvlad
Undeaddandy
CoffinCasanova
Although personally, I’d probably go with a simple 8U.
OUP: What is the most fascinating thing about vampires?
MC: They never seem to die.
OUP: What is the most boring thing about vampires?
MC: They never seem to die.
OUP: I’m upset that most modern vampires don’t wear cloaks. How do you feel about this?
MC: I agree.  In Insatiable, I gave my vampire a black Burberry trench coat, the tail of which flapped around a lot in the wind during moments of high tension, to give the impression of a cloak.  But it’s definitely not the same thing. In my defense, the only way to give a vampire a cloak in a book set in modern times and not have him stand out like a big freak is to either make him be an eccentric bestselling author, have live him in the subway tunnels of NYC with the mole people, or have him work at a Medieval Times restaurant.  None of these are particularly appealing options, especially the first.

Clearly, you can see why reading her books are so utterly entertaining. Pick one up.

Insatiable

I finished reading Insatiable two days ago. It's written by Meg Cabot. I know the cover makes it look like this is a super smutty romance novel (with maybe some dagger stabbing involved), but it's not really. I laughed about every other page. I'm thinking about buying a copy and mailing it to Stephanie Meyer, author of Twilight. Why you ask?

Well, here is Insatiable's general plot line: The main character, Meena, is a dialogue writer for a soap opera called--you guessed it--Insatiable. She's fighting for a promotion, but then finds out that her skinny bitch co-worker gets it instead. The boss explains that Insatiable is competing with vampire shows, such as Lust (which is obviously in reference to shows like The Vampire Diaries and True Blood). Their ratings are going to die if they don't do something, which is why the network has requested that they go "all vampire, all the time."

Only thing is, Meena hates vampires. She thinks the media hype over them is ridiculous. She's totally sick of hearing about them and watching them on TV. Since she's one of the writers, she starts planning how she can introduce a new character to kill off the vampire character that her co-worker created. Here are her thoughts:
"Vampires always seem to choose to prey on pretty female victims. And yet for some reason women find this sexy. The idea that they’re nobly restraining themselves from killing is supposed to be attractive? Excuse me, but how is knowing a guy wants to kill you hot?"

I won't reveal everything, but you should also know that Meena later meets a handsome Romanian professor and begins to get suspicious about him.

This is my favorite part.

And Alaric was very fond of his sword, Señor Sticky. The blade, unlike humans, did not lie. It didn't cheat, and it didn't discriminate...even if vampires were stupid. Especially American vampires. They hung out in places Alaric himself would never have gone, especially if he were immortal. Such as high schools. And Walmart.  --pg 28

In your face, Twilight.

I seriously think Meg Cabot wrote this as a parody. I recommend this book to you if you've read Twilight, because that will make it all the more humorous. I also recommend this book to you if you haven't read Twilight, because you and Meena probably share the same sentiments.

Tomorrow: an interview with Meg Cabot.

Oh, Edward!

A Twilight book review

Okay, so I finally dragged myself onto the bandwagon and read Twilight. I admit, I wanted to know what it was all about. Are you ready? Do you want to know what it was all about? Edward's eyes. You cannot read two pages of Twilight and not encounter some reference to Edward's eyes at least four times.

For example:
he measured me with his eyes
his eyes turned somber
he dazzled me with his gaze
I saw a trace of humor in his eyes
his eyes were fierce
his eyes slid back to mine
he peered from under his lashes
our eyes held
he continued to stare at me with penetrating eyes 
his gentle eyes
watchful eyes
anxious gaze
eyes were suddenly furious
he rolled his eyes
he was staring at me, that same inexplicable look of frustration in his eyes
shrewd eyes
his eyes burned with sincerity
eyes opened with surprise
eyes were scrutinizing my reaction
unfair smoldering of the eyes
I was disoriented again by the force of his gold-colored eyes 
playful eyes
his eyes were liquid topaz
his eyes managed to smolder even though it was dark
even though his eyes were shut, they burned to my soul
although his eyes had been ripped out of their sockets and were lying in a bloody heap on the ground, they managed to smolder


Okay, so I added the very last one. But that's it. You can see that Edward has very talented eyes.

Now, I admit, a vampire in love with a mortal is an interesting concept. Your true love wants to suck your blood. The idea is good. Stephanie Myers' writing? Not so much. The vocabulary and sentence structure is lame (and okay, maybe mine is too, but at least I know it and can recognize when an author does/does not do a good job). The chapters are endlessly long. The plot is slow. I found myself skipping ahead trying to look for the good parts. After chapter four I took a break and watched both of the Twilight movies, to end the pain.

 Edward's eyes always make him look like he's on crack.

But I tell you, I finish what I start, so I read the whole book through, even if it took me awhile. And okay, maybe the last two chapters were actually a little intense, even though I knew how it ended.

And I will confess to you, even though Stephanie Myers sucks, and Robert Pattinson's eyes are creepy and not at all hot or smolderng in his Edward portrayal, I may read another Twilight book, or watch another movie. Just you know, to see if Myers improves at all.

And whatever, she is making loads of money off of her crappy writing. I shouldn't be dissing. I am not making loads of money off of my crappy writing, but now I do have hope. Hope that it can be done. All I need is a character with smoldering eyes.

P.S. Ironically, the book I am reading now also has a main character named Edward. It's The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane by Kate DiCamillo, who is a much better writer than Stephanie Myers.

P.S.S. When I was reading Twilight, my roommate would call through my shut door "Edwaaard!" in this accent-y voice, which was hilarious.

Neil Armstrong is my uncle

I am currently not reading Neil Armstrong Is My Uncle and Other Lies Muscle Man McGinty Told Me by Nan Marino because it was so good I finished it already. It has 154 pages and took me approximately 5 hours. Which, you know, caused me to do some math to figure out my reading rate, and it took me basically 2 minutes per page. Which is slow. But then I figure I should account for how much I re-read because the language really caught my eye. When I'm reading a good book, I go fast at first but then I want to mull it over, so I slow down so the words can really sink in.

The books starts out like this:

Muscle Man McGinty is a squirrely runt, a lying snake, and a pitiful excuse for a ten-year-old. The problem is that no one on Ramble Street knows it but me. In the entire town of Massapequa Park, only I see him for what he really is. A phony. 


I got tricked at first into thinking the main character was a boy, because I just assumed that it would be. But she's not. She's a spunky tomboy who is the pitcher of the neighborhood kickball team, and who sneaks out at night to sit on top of the garage roof. She's full of snarky comments and during the whole of the book she's calling Muscle Man McGinty out on his bald faced lies.

Read it.

The Good Parts

I already told you, read When You Reach Me. I said I wanted to read it all over again so it would make even more sense. I've never re-read a book immediately in my life, usually I wait a few months. Sure, after I've finished I might go back and re-read all the good parts, but not cover to cover. I started re-reading When You Reach Me again. Seriously. Find a library card. 

"I...map out the story you asked me to tell, about everything that happened this past fall and winter. It's all still there, like a movie I can watch when I want to. Which is never," (2).

"I was named after a criminal," (7).

"While she listened, Belle made me a turkey sandwich and gave me about ten chewable vitamin Cs because she though I sounded nasal," (8).

"Nice tights," I snorted. Or tried to snort, anyway. I'm not exactly sure how, though people in books are always doing it," (10).

And that part about the ring with diamonds all around it? How each diamond is like a moment, and they are all happening at once? It doesn't matter where or when you came from, because when you jump to a moment, you're there. There is no time in the moments, it's the jumping from place to place that is the time. I'm still thinking about all of this. Reminds me of The Time Traveler's Wife. All the moments are happening at once. It's the people that move. It doesn't matter when you leave. It's just whether or not you get there that matters.

Holey Swiss cheese, I love books.

Read This

I understand now why When You Reach Me won this year's Newbery Award. I read the whole thing in two days. From page one you are intrigued, trying to solve this mystery. It's not a mystery book, but the narrator of the story isn't telling you something, so it doesn't make sense, and you keep reading to figure out what it is that the narrator knows but isn't telling you yet.

The whole book is good, but then at the very end it all makes sense. And as soon as you're done reading, you realize you need to read it again, because when you do you will look at everything differently, now that you know.

It was easier to follow than The Time Traveler's Wife, but still makes your head hurt a little bit.

Currently Reading

Al Capone Does My Shirts by Gennifer Choldenko. It came out in 2004, so I guess I'm a bit slow jumping on the bandwagon, but whatever. It's a young adults book (like ages 12-15ish), but it's good. Super good. It's one part historical (set in 1935), one part fiction, three parts witty, one part serious, one part baseball. I mean, thus far. I'm only on chapter 12.

Here's the opening line. "Today I moved to a twelve-acre rock covered with cement, topped with bird turd and surrounded by water."

One of my favorite similes  is "I want to be here like I want poison oak on my private parts."

I don't know what I can say to convince you to read this book. It's a Newberry Honor book. It is fantastic. Five star rating.

Also, if you are in to TV, LOST is on tonight. As in, hot doctor Jack Shepherd, Dharma initiative crap, Sawyer if you like that kind of thing, smoke monsters, numbers, and time travel.

3 Things I Like (besides you)

Three things I am currently quite enjoying are:

1) My new phone. I got rid of my stupid Razor and got a Samsung Flight, which has a touch screen. It also has a full keyboard, which I much appreciate, because before it took me ten minutes to write a two sentence text message. Plus it is just better all around. It was also free when I renewed my contract. I've never bought a phone in my life, I just get what's free when you renew.

2) I got a new calendar for 50% off at the Craft Warehouse. I'm starting to frequent this store just as much as Target. My calendar is of cupcakes, adapted from the book Hello, Cupcake! My favorite month is September, because it has owl cupcakes. For the past six years I have bought a dollar calendar with island scenes from the Dollar Tree. I like the whole island thing because then I can imagine me going there, and not stuck in rainy Oregon.

3) I am currently reading Blink: the power of thinking without thinking by Malcolm Gladwell. I better hurry it up because it is due in two weeks and I haven't been reading that much since work has started again. But I'll make it.

He's no longer bald

I have spent the majority of this weekend on my backside trying to breathe, blowing snot out of my nose, and reading. Glamorous life I lead, I know. I read two complete books this weekend, starting both on Saturday. The Tales of Beedle the Bard, 111 pages, by J.K. Rowling, and Ransom My Heart, 396 pages by Meg Cabot. I know the last one sounds like a trashy romance novel, but I liked it so you can shove it.

Basically, it is set in 1291 England and this tomboyish maiden sets out to hold a man for ransom so she can get money to pay for the wedding of her pregnant sister. She has quite an attitude and the knight that she ends up kidnapping falls in love with her. There's a lot of sarcasm, arguments, and a murder, but it turns out fine in the end.

Something that is on my mind: do you know anyone who was close to baldness, but then you saw them again sometime later, and they had a full head of hair? Take my seventh grade science teacher, for example. Mr. Purtyman (I swear that's his real name) had a very much so receding hairline, but I saw him again in tenth grade at a grocery store buying radishes and he had a full head of hair. Makes you wonder what sort of experiment he was mixing in the lab. Mr. Purtyman is not the only near-bald man I know who has magically sprung some new follicles. I know of at least two other men who had very thin hair, and then surprised me later with their luscious locks. I really want to ask them what happened. Did they try Rogain or something? Or is it really an illusion and they have all those little magnetic bits clinging to their hair to make it look full, and every night before they go to sleep they have to get a magnet and take it all off and put it in a little jar for safekeeping?

Spring break starts in two weeks. However, before that I have to hold conferences with the parents of my delightful students. I am so terrified of one in particular, that I foresee myself getting so angry that I will have to walk out of the classroom. I have already imagined/day dreamt the whole thing. After walking out fuming, I either go outside and lean against the cold brick walls and cry, or I hide in the darkened supply closet. God help me.

The Library Card

Excellent book by Jerry Spinelli, by the way. I've been reading The Library Card to my kids and they love it. Plus, it gives them a clue to how much reading can impact your life. I've had the exact same library card since I was 8 years old. Surprisingly, I have not lost it. I have misplaced it many times, but never lost it. My third grade signature wore off years ago and I had to resign it in black sharpie. Now that one is wearing off, too.

I remember exactly what I was wearing the day I got my library card. It was a very important day, with no photographical evidence except for the image imprinted in my brain. I was wearing green jeans and this flower printed shirt that was made out of kind of an itchy fabric. It had pink, green, and yellow flowers on it, with three little buttons coming down the front. Additionally, I was wearing this incredibly stylish denim hat. You know, where the floppy part is pinned up in the front with this super cute purple flower? I had to wait in line forever to get my card, and there was this 12 year old girl in front of me. She was wearing a pink shirt. My mom filled out all the forms so I could get my card, and then I signed it. Totally official.

I went to the library today and was absolutely thrilled to discover that in the DVD section they have the first season of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman! The best pioneer show from my child hood, with the ever hot Sully. I am totally watching the first episode after I finish this blog. I also found that they have episodes of Party of Five. I never watched Party of Five when I was young, but Matthew Fox is part of the cast. I figured it would be entertaining to watch him when he was young. BTW, totally disappointed by his role in Vantage Point. I thought he'd have more of a leading role. I was wrong. And he ended up being a loser bad guy. I need to watch some episodes of LOST to make up for it.

Lately at the library I have been checking out lots of books on tape. I listen to them in the car during my ungodly long drives home from work, when I am stuck in five o'clock traffic until six o'clock. I discovered a long-cut shortened time route, though. It only took me ten minutes to get over the bridge instead of forty. It's a longer distance, but worth it. I get in the far right lane where nobody wants to be, go up by the mall, turn on a one way street, then go around a block and drive away from the bridge. Then I go down by Liberty Plaza and cruise up the bridge from the other side. But in case this route does not always prove time effective, I've got books to listen to. I think that's what I'm going to miss the most from where I am living now--my extremely close proximity to the library. I will most likely never again live so close to such a wonderful building.

Plastic Babies

Right now I am reading I Was Told There'd Be Cake by Sloane Crosley. It is actually a book for adults this time, and it is quite hilarious and clever. I have to slow down to read it though, because the sentence structure is more complicated than those found in children's books, and new words that I don't know the meaning of pop up here and there. I recommend it though. It's a collection of short stories, but the book calls them "essays." Whatev. I like it.

I put up my kiddie pool on Wednesday and have been in it twice so far. I sometimes worry that the old people living in the retirement center across the fence will come out and stare at me. Kind of like how I peek through my blinds and spy on them when they are on the patio smoking.

I was at the county fair with my sister on Thursday and we were in a building where businesses have informational booths. You know, like the library and protecting watersheds, and how to keep your teenager off of meth. The good thing is that I picked up a lot of free magnents, pencils, stickers, and candy. Jess and I also had the chance to take a free plastic baby from the Right to Life foundation. They had some models of what a baby looks like at different stages displayed in a model uterus, which kind of grossed me out, but grossed my sister out more. I was all "see this is the uterine lining that sheds when you have your period," and she was all "that is sick I don't want to look at it." In the end, we did not take a plastic baby, because how weird would it be to have that in your purse? However, I contemplated taking one because I thought it would be funny to hide it in one of my roommates' bed. But then I thought that might be disrespectful to unborn infants and would give my roommate nightmares after she discovered a fetus with her toes while sleeping.